Conversations with Emily
by mabelreid
Summary: A series of conversations between Emily and Reid, starting with a little tag to "Lesson Learned."
1. Opening Gambit

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**_A/n I've been missing Emily, so I decided to do a series of conversations with her and Reid. Some will follow episodes and others will be the result of what I think happened when we're not looking. Please enjoy._**

**_Opening Gambit_**

Emily hefted her new go bag to her shoulder. It felt heavy on her back as she walked to the elevator, but it was a good weight. She'd made it through her first case with the team and learned a few things.

She looked over her shoulder at the bullpen from the elevator and waved to JJ who was talking to Dr. Reid. Morgan was still at his desk and she thought that Gideon had already left. Hotch was gone too.

_Don't you feel the least bit guilty, lying to them?_

She turned back to the elevator and pushed the down button. Now was not the time to think about how she got her transfer. The doors opened and she hurried on the car.

"Hold the elevator, please."

She flashed out a hand to stop the doors. "Hello, Dr. Reid."

"Hello."

He waved at her, which she found cute. He was the skinniest FBI agent she'd ever met but he had interesting eyes.

"So," she said, "Rough couple of days."

"I've learned that surprise is the norm here."

She laughed. "That's true."

He looked at the doors of the elevator car instead of making eye contact. She noticed his long fingers were fidgeting with strap of his messenger bag.

_What does he keep in that thing?_

"So, why were you so upset about losing the chess game?"

"You're direct," Reid said.

"Yes I am. I find life is simpler when you're direct."

"Gideon always wins. I don't know why I keep trying."

She wondered how he would feel if she told him, she knew he was hiding something with that statement. She could see it in the movement of his hands.

"If it makes you feel any better, he beat me too."

"No, it doesn't make me feel better," Reid said, and she laughed.

"Fair enough," she said.

The doors opened on the first floor and she passed by him to the hallway leading to the security station. They passed the desk and Reid said goodnight to the night security guard.

"So," she resumed when he held open the double glass doors that were the entrance to the building. "When _are_ we going to play chess?"


	2. New Friends

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_**New Friends**_

Reid's nose twitched as a hand put a cup of coffee on his desk. He looked up to see Emily.

"I noticed you like your coffee."

Reid picked up the paper cup from Starbucks and sipped. "Perfect," he said and gave her a little smile. "How did you know I like a lot of sugar?"

"I noticed when we were in Gitmo. I thought between the caffeine and the sugar, you'd bounce off the walls, but you didn't, it was kind of impressive considering how many cups you had in one day."

"Morgan says I'm immune to caffeine and sugar, which is impossible. I have a very high metabolism."

Emily narrowed her eyes at him as she took off her coat. "Reid, one thing you need to learn is not to tell a woman, 'I have a have a high metabolism,' you'll get your butt kicked."

"Why?"

"Oh, Reid, that fact that you don't know the answer to that just proves my point."

"What?"

"That you're a very unique individual that does physics magic, loves coffee and knows more obscure facts than anyone I know."

"I read a lot."

"Yes, I know, I've seen you go through an entire book in ten minutes."

"So you think I'm weird like everyone else."

She put down the folder she'd begun to peruse. "No, I said you're unique there's a difference."

"Thanks," he said quietly.

"You're welcome. Great scarf by the way. It looks good on you."

He looked down at his purple scarf. "Thanks, Garcia gave it to me for my birthday a couple of years ago. She said I needed more color in my life."

Emily picked up another cup of coffee from Starbucks. "Here's to coffee, odd facts, purple scarves and new friends."

Reid looked up at her as though he'd forgotten how to speak English for a minute. "Friends," he squeaked.

"Why not?"

"No reason," he said and went back to work with a grin on his face.


	3. Love Chemistry

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**_Love Chemistry_**

"You look a little confused," Emily said as she took a seat across from Reid.

He glanced up from staring out the jet's window. "What?"

"I said… you appear to be a little confused."

"Oh, I suppose I am."

"Why?"

He sighed and folded his hands together over the table. "It's nothing, really. I was thinking about the conversation we had about love chemicals."

"I see."

"I don't," he said with marked confusion. "We've all studied psychopaths. Everything we've learned says that they're incapable of love."

"That's true."

"Most people think that love comes from the heart, but it's actually chemicals in the brain."

"So you told me while surrounded by wind chimes made from human rib bones."

"If that's true," he went on, "then how could Frank Breitkopf love Jane?"

"He doesn't love her, he only thinks he does."

"How do you know?"

She raised her eyebrows at his tone. "Alright, let's say it is possible, that he can love. That must mean there's more to love then your belief that it's only chemicals in the brain."

Reid looked out the window of the jet. "I don't know if I believe that."

"Perhaps one day you'll experience it for yourself."

Reid laughed, but it was a self-deprecating laugh, "I don't think so. Girls don't notice me."

She smiled at him. "You won't believe me, but one day someone will notice you."

"Why don't we agree to disagree on that point?"

"Fine, but can I give you a piece of advice for that day you say will never come?"

He only stared at her.

"Never get between her and chocolate, you'll live longer that way."


	4. Long Distance Comfort

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**_A/n hello all... This next chapter is a sort of tag to "Magnum Opus," I thought I'd keep this linear and follow Reid and Emily from start to finish, but my beta tempted the muse with this idea and here we are. So, I have decided to skip around a little as I have other good ideas for some of my favorite episodes that don't go in order of air time. Thanks again to my wonderful beta and friend REIDFANATIC, and to everyone that reads and follows or adds this to your favorites. You're all the best_**

**_Long Distance Comfort _**

His phone rang and he wanted to throw it against the wall. Why didn't they stop calling him? Why couldn't they understand he wanted to be left alone?

His answering machine began to speak, but this time it was a different voice on the line.

"Reid… Are you there?"

He stared at the wall and tried to pretend that it was JJ or Garcia, but his heart betrayed him as it began to thump in his chest.

"Come on, Reid. Please pick up the phone. Garcia called me. I know what happened and I'm so sorry."

How could she be sorry? She left him… not once, but twice. At least Maeve had - he closed his eyes tight so that the tears wouldn't fall down his chapped and red cheeks.

"Please call me, Spencer. I just want to talk. I care about you."

The machine clicked off and he sat and stared at the phone until the late afternoon sun dipped below the horizon. It was fully dark when he finally rose from the couch and shuffled to his little kitchen. He wanted coffee, but couldn't summon the energy to make it. He just stood there, staring at the maker and wondering when he'd stop feeling like he wanted to die.

The phone rang, its strident tone making him jump in surprise even if he knew it would ring again.

"I know you're there, Reid. Pick up the phone."

Her demanding tone irritated him so much he strode with renewed energy to his yellow phone and yanked up the receiver. "Emily?"

"Reid, I'm so glad you -"

"What do you want?"

She was silent for a minute and then her voice sounded in his ear. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry. Garcia told me what happened and -"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Alright, then why don't we talk about something else?"

It was his turn to go silent for long seconds.

"Reid?"

"You don't want to try to make me talk about Maeve."

"Not if you don't want to," she said.

"I don't want to. Why can't everyone understand that? They all call over here asking me if I'm okay. They all want to know if I'm going crazy like my mom."

"You know that's not true."

"Do I?"

"Yes."

He hitched in a trembling breath. "Why did she go away, Emily?"

"I don't know, Spencer. I know she didn't want to go."

"How do you know? Maybe she was glad when Dianne pulled the trigger. Maybe she was happy to be rid of me."

"You don't believe that. She loved you."

"You don't know what you're talking about, Emily. You weren't here when I needed you."

"I'm so sorry, Spencer. I wish I could've been there."

"It doesn't matter. I failed her."

"You didn't -"

"I failed her," he shouted. "She was in trouble and I didn't protect her," he began to sob. "She had a stalker and what did I do, I played games with her life. I thought I was this millennium's answer to Sherlock Holmes, so clever and -"

"You did what you thought was right."

"Don't make comforting excuses for me. I might as well have put the gun to her head and pulled the trigger."

"Spencer, stop it!"

"No. I won't stop it. It's true. I knew better. I'm a goddamn profiler. I should have told team as soon as I knew about Dianne. If I had, Maeve would still be alive."

"You don't know that, Reid."

"I do know it. She's dead, my soul mate is dead and it's my fault."

"I'm not going to argue with you about this, Reid. I know you won't believe me if I try, but I will say this… She loved you. You know that, right.

He closed his eyes and Maeve's face was there, just as it had been the first and only time he saw her. Her eyes were full of trust and love that he didn't deserve. Tears began dripping through his eyelashes to his cheeks and then to his pajama top.

"She shouldn't have loved me. I let her down."

"You didn't let her down. You made her life joyful again."

"She's still dead. She's never coming back."

"I know… I wish I could make it right for you."

He wiped his eyes with one hand. His cheeks hurt and he was so tired.

"I have to go, Emily. I'm tired, and I just want to lie down and forget."

"Go to sleep, Spencer. Call me if you need me. I'm always here, you know that, right."

"Yeah, I know you are. Thanks, Emily."

"Anytime… Now go get some sleep."

CMCMCM

He lovingly slid his copy of "The Narrative of John Smith," into his bookcase. His apartment felt right again, now that his friends had helped him clean it up.

He looked toward the sunlight pouring into the room and smiled. The light didn't sting his eyes as it had for the last two weeks. It didn't make his heart hurt with memories of standing in a phone booth in the sun talking to Maeve.

His phone rang and he answered it on the first ring. "Hello."

"Hey there."

"I'm surprised you called me back. I was so rude to you the last time we talked."

"You were hurting, Reid."

"Yeah, but that doesn't excuse my behavior."

"You don't have to apologize; it's me, your friend. I'm not going to write you off because you were suffering and not in the mood to make nice."

"Thanks for not holding a grudge."

"As I said, we're friends."

"Emily?"

"Yeah…"

"I miss her so much."

"I know."

"Do you mind if -?"

"Of course I don't mind," she said softly, "Tell me about her…"


	5. Out Damn Spot

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_**Out Damn Spot**_

The first thing Emily noticed that morning was his hands. This morning, they didn't remind her of birds in flight. This morning they reminded her of injured birds, floating down like fallen leaves on a bright autumnal morning.

"What's wrong? She demanded as soon as she put her cup of coffee on her desk.

He didn't look up from his file folder, but she could see that he was trying to ignore her rather than lost in his usual intense concentration. She'd come to expect that look in just the few short weeks she'd known him.

"Reid?"

"I'm busy," he finally said, without looking up.

"No you're not," she argued.

"How do you know?"

"Because I know when you're concentrating on work and when you're just trying to pretend you're working."

"Yes, because you know me so well."

"Well, I do admit that I don't know you as well as the rest of the team knows you, but I can tell you're deeply disturbed."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Reid."

"I said; I don't want to talk about it."

"Fine, then take this and put it on your hands. I can see you're in pain."

She pulled a tube of lotion from her purse and tossed it at him. He caught it clumsily and flipped up the cap. He sniffed at it and screwed up his nose. "It smells like roses."

"Too bad, your hands are nearly raw."

"It's none of your business."

"You're right; it's none of my business. Give it here."

She held out her hand to him and snapped her fingers.

He ignored her, pushed out some of the pink lotion on his hands, and rubbed them together. He sniffed again and frowned. "They do feel better."

"I'm glad."

He looked down at his desk. "I can still see blood on my hands."

"From Nathan," she asked kindly.

"Yes… I keep thinking about it. I couldn't sleep last night and I couldn't stop washing my hands. What if I saved him and he kills someone, someday?"

"You don't have the blood of some future victim on your hands."

"I'd ask how you know what I'm thinking, but considering what we do for a living…"

"Reid, you're not Lady Macbeth. You did what you thought was right, what any caring person would do. Stop with the martyr complex."

Anger entered and left his face in the space of about ten seconds. "I still don't know what's going to happen."

"So you're not clairvoyant, who of us is? You did everything you could for him. The rest is up to his doctors and to him."

"But, Gideon said -"

"Never mind what Gideon said," she waved off her new teammate impatiently. "If you look at Nathan's case from the perspective of a profiler, with all the precedents and knowledge gleaned from thousands of interviews, you'd think Nathan is doomed, but I don't agree. Killing is a choice, Reid. Is doesn't matter how damaged someone is inside, or what kind of childhood they had, it is a choice, and like all choices, you can't make it for him."

"I know; I just can't get last night out of my head. He's so broken."

"Yes, he is, but he's not your responsibility."

"That's what Garcia said," he said morosely.

"She's right."

He looked at his red and chapped hands. "How long will it take before I stop seeing all the blood in my head?"

"I don't know, but I do know it won't go away any faster if you keep dwelling on, "the what if's," she pointed out. "I think I know a way to get your mind off it."

He looked up into her dark eyes that didn't give away secrets. "What?"

"You show me how you did that card trick you did last week."

He smiled at her against his will. "No, I told you a magician never reveals his secrets."

"Oh, I think in time I'll figure out what makes Dr. Reid tick."

He now resembled some inscrutable monk living far away from the reach of human misery and sin. "I don't think so," he said so confidently that she laughed.

"We'll see about that."


	6. Physics Magic

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**_Physics Magic_**

"I can feel you staring at me."

He glanced up from his file to glare at Emily in the low light of the nearly deserted bullpen.

"I wasn't staring at you."

Her dark eyes danced despite the irritation in his face. She smiled at him and he narrowed his eyes at her.

"I'm not going to tell you."

"You don't have to tell me. I can figure it out on my own."

He put down his pen and crossed his arms over his chest. "How do you propose to do that?"

"You'll see."

He went back to work with a little smile that twisted one side of his mouth.

CMCMCM

"I told you I'd figure it out."

Reid shook his head. "You watched me the last time."

"I did not. You said turn around and I turned around. Are you calling me a liar?"

"I don't know you well enough to say what you'd do," he retorted.

"You're just irritated because I used something you shun like it's a tool of the devil."

"What are you talking about?" He squeaked.

"The computer, genius, I did a Google search."

"Physics magic isn't on Google."

"Oh really, want me to show you, wise guy."

He slumped in his chair. "Alright, you win."

His eyes lit up when she smirked at him.

"Why are you so happy?"

"Because I'm going to invent a new trick and Goggle -"

"That's Google," Emily interrupted with a giggle.

"Whatever," Reid sniffed. "Google won't have it."

"Are you sure?"

"Emily, I told you, a magician never reveals his secrets."


	7. This Ain't Vegas

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**_This Ain't Vegas_**

"Wanna play poker, Emily?"

She glanced up from her book to see Reid had joined her. Everyone else was asleep on the plane when she looked around so she nodded. "Sure."

"We play for snack food, not money."

She grinned at him as he pulled a deck of cards from his messenger bag and laid them on the table.

"I don't have any snack food."

"That's okay, you can owe me."

Her eyebrows went up. "You think you're going to win."

"Yes."

She laughed. "You are confident."

"You're new to the team, so you haven't seen the poker games we've had. My winning percentage is 93.8%."

"Ooh, I would've thought you'd have a higher percentage than nearly 94%."

She laughed again when he choked on his coffee. "I'm a genius, not perfect."

"Yes, but you're also from Vegas."

"True, but that doesn't mean anything. Not everyone from Vegas is a card shark."

"I've been keeping an eye on the games I've seen in the last couple of weeks, and I can see you're a card counter."

"That's not cheating, it's hedging my bets."

"Try telling that to casino bosses. I'll bet you're banned from most casinos, right?"

He pulled a rather large bag of chocolates from his messenger bag. "Keep talking and I might rethink spotting you."

He waved it at her and she smirked at him. "Are you trying to capitalize on our conversation about chocolate?"

He went scarlet and pushed the chocolates away from her. "NO!" He squeaked. "I didn't mean -"

"I'm just trying to knock you off your game."

He scowled and she giggled. "Give me the candy, Dr. Reid."

He pushed the bag toward her. "You count out twenty-five pieces each."

"Is that all?"

He ignored her and began to make the cards fly through his fingers. She watched him very closely. He watched her watching him and finally smiled. "I promise not to stack the deck."

"To what do I owe the courtesy?"

"You're new to the team, it wouldn't be right."

"Oh, so if I were JJ or Morgan, you'd cheat, right."

He wouldn't make eye contact, and he said. "Are you going to count the chocolates?"

"Hm, avoiding the question, not good, Dr. Reid."

"Can we just play?"

"I'm not stopping you. Deal the cards, genius."

He winked at her, which so astonished her, she nearly knocked some of her chocolate off the table. She decided to pick another piece from the bag. She unwrapped it and popped it into her mouth.

"Hey," he protested as all playfulness left his eyes. "That's mine."

"Maybe next time you'll bring peas in a can, that way I can't steal them before the game's over."

"That's crazy," he said, after going bright red in the face.

"Then back off and let a lady have her chocolate."

He picked up his cards. "Can we play now?"

"I never tried to stop you, Reid. Bring it on."


	8. Let Me Help

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**_Let Me Help_**

He hated this time of year. It was a riot of color and change, just like any year, but it grated on his nerves. It was like someone cut open his brain and ran a fiddle bow across the nerves until they buzzed and sang in total chaos.

There was something that would make it all go away. He hunched over his coffee and tried not to think about it as the darkness pushed in around him from all sides.

"Reid," said the voice he least wanted to hear, and yet something in him made him turn and look at her.

She carried a cup of coffee to his table and sat. He watched her dark eyes. They were bottomless and if he wasn't careful…

"Are you alright?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because you missed a plane. That's not like you."

He picked up his messenger bag and climbed to his feet. God, he needed the needle. It was like a fever in his brain.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

"I just want to help."

"Did Gideon put you up to this?"

She raised an eyebrow. "No. I came in here for coffee and saw you sitting out here, in the dark, alone. I wanted to see if you're okay. Despite what you think and despite the fact that I've only know you for a few months, I do care what happens to you."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"I know how you feel."

He laughed, but it was a hollow, mocking laugh. "You know how I feel. That's a good one, Emily. You weren't tortured, made to choose who lived and who died. You didn't have a gun pointed at you head while a psycho played "Russian Roulette," while claiming to be the voice of God. You didn't die."

"No," she grabbed his arm. "You're right, I didn't go through hell, like you did, but-"

"Let go of me." He yanked his arm from her grasp.

His eyes were blazing and his chest heaved. His hands were shaking so badly he thought they might shatter at the wrists.

"I didn't go through what you did, but I did see you die, Reid. All of us saw him torture you, make you choose one of us to die. We all watched him pull the trigger on that gun over and over again."

"Stop it," he said and there were tears in his voice.

She lowered her voice because another couple had come outside.

"What ever you're going through, I only want to help you."

"I just want it to stop."

He sat down and reached for his cooling cup of coffee but he didn't drink it. His shadowed eyes searched her face, but there was nothing to find, but compassion and it burned him like acid.

"I - Emily, please just let it go."

He stood and she let him go. He hurried away as if the hounds of hell were on his heels. He stopped at the corner and turned around. He could still see her sitting at the table with her coffee. Everything in him itched for the needle except one little corner of his heart. It made him take a step toward her, but when he crossed halfway back to the table, she abruptly arose and walked away. He stopped and watched her disappear. His hands shook and his chest hurt.

Too late.


	9. If You've Got It, Flaunt It

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**_A/n this follows after "Legacy," one of my favorite episodes. Thanks for reading._**

**_If You've Got It, Flaunt It._**

"So?"

"So what?"

Emily laid aside the seven of hearts she'd been trying to play. Unfortunately, it was a dismal hand of solitaire. She met Reid's eyes and he flinched.

"Spill," she commanded sweetly.

"I don't know what you want me to say."

He sat back in his chair, but he wouldn't make eye contact. She grinned at him and slapped his hand when he picked up the seven of hearts she'd discarded.

"This is my game. Stop trying to horn in."

"I honestly don't know what you're talking about."

She looked around the cabin of the jet, but Hotch was deep in paperwork, JJ and Morgan were asleep, and Gideon was writing his report on the case.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about, Reid."

"I guess I must've misjudged you, Emily."

"Why?"

"I didn't think you're like most women. I was glad that you're not."

"I'm going to regret asking, but what do you mean?"

"Most women say things like, "If you don't know I'm not going to tell you," to a man as a subtle passive aggressive ploy for the upper hand. I thought you were different."

"What does that have to do with this conversation?"

"You refuse to say what's on your mind. You expect me to guess. How can I possibly know what you want me to say if you don't ask?"

"Oh, but you don't need to guess, you know exactly what I'm asking."

He picked up the draw pile and took three cards from the top. "It's cheating if you take one at a time."

"We're not in Vegas and stop trying to distract me, magic man."

"I don't know what you're so upset about."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "I'm not upset, but if you don't stop messing with my game, I'm going to hurt you."

He put down her draw pile and slid the cards to her. "Here you go. I'll just go and -"

"Oh, no you don't, Dr. Reid. Sit down and talk to me."

"I am talking to you," he said as he sat and folded his hands together. "It's not my fault if you don't like the topic of conversation."

"Geez, give it a rest. I simply want to know what is up with you and prostitutes, that's all. You'd think I was asking for our country's nuclear launch codes.

"Actually -"

"Reid!"

"Alright, you don't have to shout, you'll wake everyone."

"I'm not shouting."

"I don't know what to tell you because I don't know what you mean. It's not my fault they hit on me. I didn't do anything."

She smiled at his squeak. His face was rosy red and he wouldn't look at her.

"It was embarrassing," he whispered loudly.

"I'll bet it was."

"May we please talk about something else?"

She put down the Queen of Hearts over the King of Spades and said. "What do you want to talk about?"

"I don't care. Anything is better than the current topic."

She studied him closely for a moment. His hands were steady, but there was something in his eyes…

"Emily."

"Sorry, I was just thinking."

"That's what I do," he quipped.

"Yeah, I know."

He finally smiled at her and his face lit up like the sun. If he smiled at the working girls that way, then it was understandable they'd all want him. She cleared her throat just a little and finally set down her cards. "I give up."

"I won't," he said suddenly.

"What?"

"Nothing, I'm gonna get more coffee."

She watched him get up and walk away. Yeah, he was skinny and he dressed like a reject from the world of seventies nerd fashion, but there was just something about him.

"No, I'm definitely not giving up," she said under her breath.

She picked up the cards and began to deal another hand.


	10. Mommy Dearest

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**_Mommiy Dearest_**

"Is this seat taken?" Reid asked Emily.

"Only by you," she replied cheerfully.

He sat and opened his messenger bag. She watched him from one corner of her eye as he removed a pad of paper and a pen. When he began to write, she leant her head against the edge of the window. The train pulled away from the station and began the journey toward home. She closed her eyes and tried to clear her mind from the events of the day.

She didn't know how much time passed, but something shifted next to her and woke her from the light doze she had reached without knowing when faked sleep, had turned to actual sleep.

"Sorry, didn't mean to wake you."

"Don't worry about it. If you weren't here, I'd probably miss my stop," she laughed. "I didn't mean to fall asleep. I guess I'm more tired than I thought."

"Yeah," he said softly.

His eyes held a special brand of pain that day. They reminded her of a small child alone in the world.

"Everything okay."

He rubbed at his eyes with the fingertips of both hands. "It's nothing, just me thinking too much, as usual."

"I meant what I said," she said gently. "I just want to help."

He gave her a weak smile that was the shadow of its former self. "Thanks… I'm okay."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I was thinking about Frank Breitkopf and the body in that apartment. She was his mother and he just left her there in that room. How could he just leave her there?"

"She was responsible for who he was," Emily said. "I think he loved her and hated her at the same time."

"I know this is going to sound morbid, but I keep thinking about my mother. What if I'd let her stay in her home and left her there to fend for herself. What if she died and no one knew if for months or a year, like his story."

"Why are you thinking about something that's never going to happen? You and Frank Breitkopf are nothing alike, Reid."

"I know, but I can't help drawing some parallels."

"You have a healthy relationship with your mom. He had a very unhealthy one with his mother."

He didn't say anything, just pulled out the notebook from his bag. "I write to her every day. She says I do it because I feel guilty. The truth is that it started out that way, but not anymore. I like telling her about my day and the cases we have."

"If you want me to tell you that's needy and pathetic, I'm not going to say it. I think its sweet and kind. Most people don't bother with calling their mom once a week, let alone every day. You'll never lose touch and you'll always have a wonderful relationship with her. Don't let anyone make you feel like there's something wrong with you because you're close."

"Emily," he said after a minute."

"What?"

"Thanks."

She grinned at him and he smiled back.

"You're welcome."


	11. Borrowing Trouble

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_**Borrowing Trouble**_

Reid carried two cups of coffee to the seats at the back of the plane. "Hey," he greeted Emily.

She glanced up from her book and smiled at him. The cut on her head looked better now that it was properly bandaged and cleaned. "Thanks, Reid." She took the coffee and sipped it with relish. "Sit down."

He took a chair across the little table and took a hit from his cup. "I wish this tasted like the coffee I make at home."

Emily smirked at him and laid aside her book. "I hear you. I only drink this for the caffeine rush."

Reid lifted his cup in toast and she clicked her cup against his. "I'm glad you're staying," he said.

She glanced up at Strauss, who was sitting at the other end of the plane with her glasses on her nose. She read a file and appeared to be ignoring the rest of the team.

"Yeah, but she's not done with us."

Reid turned around and looked at Strauss. "I kind of felt sorry for her when she almost fell into one of our victims."

Emily bit her bottom lip. "Well, she should have thought about that before she went into the field."

Reid's mouth twitched and he lowered his voice. "You should have seen the look on her face when she called Garcia and heard what Garcia usually says to Morgan. I thought she was going to swallow her tongue, or something."

Emily sniggered and choked on her coffee. "Oh, I wish I could've seen that."

"Anyway, I don't want to talk about Strauss."

"What do you want to talk about?"

He shrugged. "I guess I was thinking about that little boy and his dad. I keep thinking about after my dad left and all the things I did to make everyone believe everything was okay. It was survival."

Emily nodded. "Yeah, I think that's the case for both of you."

"Why did I turn out fine, and he's already on the slippery slope. He targeted the last victim on his own and he's just a kid. Does that mean we'll be chasing him in twenty years? Where does it end?"

"I think you're borrowing way too much trouble," Emily said. "Who knows what's going to happen to him in the next ten or fifteen years, to shape who he is."

"I know… it's just that…" Reid sighed and gave her a small smile. "You're right. I'm taking this way too personally again."

She pursed her lips and thought for a moment. "I think you do take things a little too personally, but you have so much empathy in the way you deal with victims and the killers. Some days you amaze me."

Reid went a little pink in the cheeks. "I don't -"

"Hey, take a compliment for a change, okay."

He nodded. "Alright, I'll take the compliment."

"Now, I think we're due for another game of poker."

Reid grinned, "If you want to lose again."

She sat up straight and cracked her knuckles. "I think you're way too confident."

He pulled a deck of cards from his bag and began to shuffle. "Should we invite Strauss," he said unexpectedly.

Emily stared at him and then she reached over and smacked his arm, "Oh very funny, Dr. Reid."

He wiggled his eyebrows, "Got you."

She laughed. "I'm going to whip your butt for that."

Cards flew out of Reid's hands, almost as if they were moving on their own. "We'll see."


	12. Spiders and Schizophrenia

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Spiders and Schizophrenia

"Why does the train home after a case seem to take so long?" Emily asked.

Reid laid aside his book and said. "Actually, there was a study at New York University about how people perceive time. When you're stressed, or your blood sugar is low, you often experience an elongation of time and -"

Emily held up one hand. "You do know that was a rhetorical question?"

"Right, sorry."

"It's okay. I'm just tired, I guess."

"Me too," he yawned.

"So, you and Morgan stuck in an elevator," she grinned. "That sounds like the beginning to a bad joke."

"What about it?"

She nearly smiled at his defensive tone. "I'm not going to laugh at you, if that's what you think."

"Then why did you bring it up?"

He was looking at his book again, but she could see that he was only pretending to read it. "I was just thinking about the look on Morgan's face when you told him "It's not important," when he said you freaked out, too."

"It wasn't important," Reid reiterated. "I was trying to work."

"Oh, Reid, you make me laugh at the oddest times."

He simply stared at her. "I wasn't trying to be funny."

"That's _why_ it was funny."

He shrugged. "I don't understand, but I guess its okay."

"That's what I like about you, Reid. You're smart, cute, funny and sweet, and you have no ego to speak of," she said seriously.

He didn't respond but he had a little smile around the corners of his mouth that made her heart beat a little faster. She shook her head and changed the subject… a little, "Strange case, right?"

"I thought it was fascinating," he said. "Fear is a response that hasn't adapted well to the society we live in. We no longer have to fear predators larger than ourselves. We don't fight to the death for mates, or food. Our fears are largely irrational, now."

"What's your greatest fear?"

Reid put aside his book, again. He thought for so long that she raised her eyebrows. "Hey, if I overstepped by asking -"

"No, it's okay. I'm afraid of ending up like my mother."

"I'm sorry, Reid. I didn't think when I asked."

"It's okay. I know I'm at the age where I could become schizophrenic. I guess I've been thinking about it, a lot."

"I know this won't make you feel better, but I don't think it'll happen to you."

"Why?"

"I don't know. It's just a feeling, I guess."

"I'm not sure I can have faith in a feeling."

"It's all I have."

They were very silent for a long time. Then, he turned the attention back to her, "What are you afraid of?"

"I don't wanna say."

"Why not?"

"Because it'll sound petty and unimportant next to your fear," she explained.

"Emily, just tell me. I promise I won't judge you."

"It's really stupid."

"Come on," he said and his eyes made her speak when she'd rather stay silent.

"I hate spiders," she shuddered, "especially when they turn up in unexpected places, like the shower. I had to kill one the other day and it was huge."

"Often," Reid began and she smirked at him. "The way we perceive events, is a function of fear. The spider was probably pretty small, but because it frightened you, it seemed larger."

"How would _you_ know? Were you there?"

"No," he squeaked and went red. "Why would I be in your bathroom?"

She sat back in her chair and observed him. "You wouldn't be," she said, primly and nearly laughed at the "deer in the headlights," expression on his face.

He railed, and his shoulders relaxed. "No," he agreed, "There's no reason for me to be in your bathroom."

"Now that we've established where you can and can't go, why don't we talk about something else?"

"What do you want to talk about?"

"Why don't you tell me your version of what happened in the elevator? I have a feeling it might be a little more interesting than Morgan's account."

"It was nothing," Reid squeaked.

"Right, spill it, Dr. Reid."


	13. Grin and Bear it

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_**A/n I'm jumping ahead in the timeline again. My beta tempted the muse with a great idea for Minimal Loss. The conversation on the plane with Emily and Reid is great, but mine address something that was left out that always bothered me. Thanks for reading.**_

_**Grin and Bear It **_

Emily stepped off stairway to the jet and sighed, then winced in pain. She was turning for her car when she saw Reid with Morgan. She couldn't hear what they were saying, but she saw Morgan backhand Reid in the stomach and laugh at some kind of joke. She saw Reid wince and she heard him say. "Ouch, Morgan."

"Oh come on, Reid, I barely touched you. It was just a joke. I thought you needed the laugh after getting blown up."

"I just want to go home."

"Sorry, kid, I'll see you later."

Reid nodded absently and turned when she called out to him. "Hey," she said then coughed as her ribs sang out in pain.

"Emily, is everything all right?"

She almost let the tears fall that she'd held back ever since he'd walked alive out of smoke and fire. "I'm fine, but you're not."

"What are you talking about?"

"I saw how you reacted to Morgan's little love tap. You got hurt at the compound, didn't you?"

He sighed and hitched his bag over his shoulder. "It's nothing, Emily."

"Tell me, or I'll sic Garcia on you."

"Fine," he huffed and he looked at the concrete below their feet instead of at her eyes. "I got hit in the abdomen with the butt of a rifle."

"Damn it," she shouted.

"Keep your voice down," he hissed.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because it's nothing. You were the one they beat up, Emily. What happened to me was nothing," he repeated.

"It's something to me," she snapped. "God damn it, Reid. I care for you. That's one of the reasons I jumped up and said I was the FBI agent."

"I don't need -"

"I know you can take care of yourself. Like I said on the plane, it's not your fault."

"I get it," he snapped back.

"Then why didn't you say you're hurt."

He finally looked her in the eye. "Old habits are hard to break, I guess. I got used to hiding my injuries inflicted by my so-called classmates at school. I had to for my mother's sake because she always thought it was the government hurting me. She didn't understand that it was schoolyard bullying. I couldn't make her understand, so I quit trying."

"I'm sorry I snapped at you."

The wind fluffed his hair around his face, he suddenly looked like a chastised angel, and her heart cried out.

She stepped forward and hugged him again carefully. "You can always tell me when you're hurting, Spencer."

She kissed his cheek and reluctantly let go even though she suddenly wanted to tuck him away like a wounded bird and never let him get hurt again.

"I promise," he crossed his heart like a little boy and she smirked.

"Why don't we go get some coffee?"

He narrowed his eyes at her. "You need to go home and get some rest."

She took his arm like a proper woman of another era. "I'll never go to sleep, Reid. Besides, Hotch is making me take a few days off, so I want to spend some time with you. Is that okay?"

He smiled at her and finally she relaxed. "Yeah, I think that's just the right thing for now."


	14. Trick or Treat

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**_Trick or Treat_**

Emily joined Reid in the back of the SUV for their ride to the airport. He slid over and put his messenger bag on the floor between his feet. She looked over at his profile that was barely visible in the night-shadowed interior of the car.

"That was fun," he said.

"Yeah, it was nice to do something positive after a case for a change."

"It was… I love trick or treating kids and I thought I'd miss it this time."

"You must be the only person I know that likes getting up to answer the door fifty times on Halloween."

"I like seeing all the costumes. There are some very creative parents out there."

"I'm sure."

"Also," Reid continued, and she smirked in the darkness. "I sometimes imagine what would happen if I answered the door and some supernatural being stood on the other side. Don't you think meeting a real ghost would be so neat?"

"Seriously."

"There are many things in the universe that science can't explain. Parapsychology is a valid field of study. Did you know there are hundreds of documented sightings of ghosts in the last one hundred years? Even the Bible talks about spirits and witches -"

"Yeah, it says, "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live," Reid. What are you going to do if you open the door one Halloween and there is a ghost or demon there, ask it to pose for a photo?"

"I don't know. I hadn't thought that far ahead."

She grinned at him even though he couldn't see her clearly. "You might want to think about it."

"It's not going to happen, Emily. As much as I would like it, ghosts aren't going to knock on my door on Halloween. I think they have better things to do."

"Like what?"

He didn't reply for a long time. "I don't know, but I'm sure there is something better."

"I hope that's true for your sake."

"Why?"

"Because if the ghosts get bored, maybe they will pay you a visit."

"Ghosts can't hurt people."

"How do you know?"

"Because there's no recorded incident of a ghost hurting anyone."

"Just because it's never happened, doesn't mean it couldn't," she said logically.

"Emily!"

"I'm just teasing you. I think Halloween is making you a little crazy, Reid."

"It's still my favorite time of year."

She reached over and touched his arm. "That's okay. We all need a little fun once in a while. Just remember, the next time you meet a new teammate, to take the noose from around your neck."

"Very funny."

"It was funny."

"It was kind of embarrassing, Emily."

"I thought your hero worship was cute."

"It wasn't hero worship," he squeaked.

"If you say so."

"Emily!"

"Hey, I get it. He was profiler when the Bureau didn't have teams or the fancy jet. His books are great and he's not bad looking for an older guy."

"I don't care about his looks," he squeaked again.

Emily sniggered. "You gotta learn to laugh at yourself, Reid."

"I can laugh at myself," he countered, but didn't sound that sure about it.

"Alright, I'll be nice."

"Emily?"

"Yeah."

"The Globe is showing "The Fall of the House of Usher, The Pit and the Pendulum, and The Raven," with Vincent Price. Tomorrow night is the last showing for this year. You wanna go with me?"

"Only if you promise not to dress up."


	15. The Composition of Miracles

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**_The Composition of Miracles _**

When Emily entered the break room, Reid was staring at his cup of coffee instead of drinking it. She waved a hand in front of his face, but he didn't respond.

"Hey, where are you, Dr. Reid?"

He blinked and sat up straight. "Oh, hi, Emily."

"Something on your mind."

"Sorry, I was just thinking about the last couple of days."

"Oh," she reached for the coffee pot. "Yeah, it's been pretty intense."

"Emily, do you believe in miracles?"

She stopped in the act of adding some creamer to her coffee. "Wow, that's a loaded question."

"Why?"

His puppy dog eyes sent a little shiver down her back. She busied herself with the coffee and thought hard for a moment.

"I suppose I do."

"The doctor said that what happened to Garcia was a miracle. Then Morgan said he was praying when she was on the operating table. I just wondered if you thought there was a correlation between the two."

"I don't know, Reid. I haven't been to church is so long, it feels like forever. I know things happen that I can't explain. Why did the bullet come so close to killing her and yet she's alive?" I don't know, but I'm glad she is."

"Garcia told Morgan she believes that everything happens for a reason. Do you think that's true?"

"Yeah, I suppose it is. Although, with our jobs, it's hard to believe that sometimes."

He nodded and took a sip from his cup. "Anyway, I guess I'm just glad we're all okay. I'm sorry that JJ had to kill Deputy Battle, but I'm glad she was here at the right time."

"Maybe that's a little miracle, too."

He smiled at her and another little shiver went down her back. "Maybe it is." He yawned, "This isn't helping. I'm going home."

"Me too, want to share the elevator with me."

He held out his arm. "After you."


	16. Temptation

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**_A/n this conversation loosely follows "Birthright." At the end of the episode, Morgan suggests a drink and Emily votes for five, but Reid wasn't sure. The muse was inspired and here we are. Please enjoy. _**

**_Temptation_**

Reid sat bent over files when Emily entered the bullpen. Her head pounded and her stomach felt like someone had poured acid into her gut. Her throat burned from returning her stomach contents back to the light of day. Still, that wasn't the worst thing to deal with on that too sunny DC morning.

"Hey," she said as she carefully sat behind her desk.

"Hi," he said very briefly.

She sighed and checked to see if anyone was within earshot.

"I'm sorry about last night."

"It's fine," he said shortly and flipped over a file.

"No, it's not fine."

"I don't wanna talk about it."

He presented the top of his head to her as he perused another file and tried to make it look like he was busy.

"Reid…"

He slapped the file shut and turned sparking eyes her way. "Can we not do this right now?"

He grabbed his coffee cup and stalked away to the break room. She sat back with her hands over her eyes. So much for coming in early to talk.

CMCMCMCMCM

She found him sitting on a fallen log at the edge of the outdoor firearms training area. He had half a sandwich in his hand from the cafeteria and another cup of coffee sitting on the ground near his feet.

"Can I sit here?"

He looked up and she saw that there was something along the lines of sadness, anger and, surprisingly, guilt in his expression. "Does it matter if I say no," he countered angrily.

"No," she said stiffly. "I'm going to have my say, Reid."

"Why? It doesn't change anything."

She sat down and he scooted away from her. "I was drunk, Reid. I didn't mean -"

"Please don't say you didn't mean anything by it. The last thing I need to hear is, "I was drunk, Reid. I didn't know what I was doing."

"If you let me talk, you might be surprised by what I say."

He turned to face her. "Fine, I'll listen. It's been a crappy day so far, and by my estimation, it can't get any worse."

She flinched back a little. "Alright, I guess I deserved that."

"Just say what you need to say."

"I said it this morning. I'm sorry for what happened last night and I'm grateful you saw that I got home safely."

"My mother taught me to be a gentleman," he said irritably.

"Why are you so angry at me?"

He heaved out another breath and his cheeks went very pink. "I'm not angry with you."

She just stared at him until he dropped his eyes to his shoes. "You're not mad at me," she finally said, disbelievingly.

"Well, yeah, I am mad at you, but I'm angrier at myself."

"Why?"

"Because I pushed you away last night."

She tilted her head and her face reflected her confusion. "Reid, I was drunk. I kissed you and I think I kind of grabbed at you, too. You were right to push me away."

"I didn't want to push you away. You practically begged me to go inside and I wanted to, but I couldn't because I didn't want you to hate me. I like you, Emily. You're my friend."

"Yes, we are friends. I feel like a total jerk, kissing you like that."

He picked up his coffee and drank down a long swallow and then choked and spluttered. She smacked him on the back. "You okay?"

"Yeah, no, I mean, I'm not okay. I liked the kiss and how you touched me and I feel like a -"

She reached over took his arm. "Stop it, Reid. I liked it too, very much, but you were right to be the strong one. I'm sorry I put you in that position. Thank you.

He finally smiled at her. "You're welcome; just don't test my resolve again because I don't think I can be that strong."

She grinned at him. "Well, you are pretty hot. I'll try and control myself in the future."

"Very funny."

"Hey," she said and tapped him on the shoulder when he looked away. "I'm not teasing you."

"I know; it's just weird. This whole thing is surreal. I just want you to be my friend, Emily."

She bit back on the disappointment that threatened to make her argue with him, and shoved it into the back of her mind. Perhaps one day when he didn't struggle with inner demons…

We all struggle with inner demons.

She ignored the voice in her head and said. "Well, I have to say you are a great kisser, Dr. Reid."

He choked again on his coffee. "Emily!"

"Sorry."

He narrowed his eyes at her. "I don't believe you."

"I swear," and she crossed her heart.

"I'm never going out for drinks again," Reid declared.

"Come on," she said. "It's time to get back to work."

"Are we still friends?"

She looked into his puppy dog eyes and her resolve nearly broke under the weight of their angelic beauty. "I should be the one asking you that question."

"Yeah," he said and his eyes lit up, "If you spot me a bag of pretzels for our next poker game."


	17. The Right Words

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**_The Right Words_**

After buying a double latte with enough sugar to put an elephant into a sugar coma, Reid took his usual seat at the back left corner of Starbucks. He pulled his messenger bag over his head and removed a new book on medieval clock making.

"I should have known you'd be here this early on a Saturday."

He glanced up to see Emily standing there with a coffee in one hand and a muffin in the other. She wore a charcoal grey jacket, faded jeans and a blue scarf with leaves in gold around her neck. She unzipped her jacket and took the other seat.

"Hi, Emily," he greeted.

"I called you three times."

"I know… I didn't feel like talking last night."

She took a sip of coffee and began to un-wrap her muffin. "I was worried about you."

"Why? I'm fine."

"You witnessed a man blowing another man's head off with a shotgun."

"We've all seen worse."

She pulled her muffin in two and took another sip of coffee. "Yeah, we've all seen terrible things, but you were up close and personal, so to speak."

He sighed and put down his coffee. Emily was looking at him with her beautiful, bottomless dark eyes. His resolve not to talk about Jack and his daughter, crumbled.

"We're supposed to know all the right things to say, Emily."

"Jack's a psychopath, Reid. He went over there with the express purpose of killing Ryan."

"His daughter was right there," Reid said, "how could he do that to her?"

"She saw her friend raped and killed. She knew the same thing was going to happen to her, and then her dad comes in like a white knight to rescue her."

"I know the psychology of her trauma," he said. "I know she's a teenager and the adolescent brain doesn't think the same way as an adult. How could she beg him to kill? He's her father."

"She knows what her father is," Emily said.

"That doesn't make it right."

"No, it doesn't make it right, but it's not your fault, Reid."

"I do know that on some level." He sighed, sat back and pushed away his coffee. "I wonder what would have happened if Lindsey hadn't been there."

"You can't change what is, Reid."

"I guess I really don't like failure."

She laughed and her dark eyes twinkled at him. Butterflies began to circle around in his stomach as he tried to smile at her.

"It's not your failure," she said on a more somber note. "There was nothing you could've said."

He nodded. "That may be true."

"It is true," she said and took a bite of her blueberry muffin.

"Next time, I'll find the right words," he declared. "I won't let someone down again, not when it counts."

"Why don't we worry about now instead of what might happen."

"Alright, but isn't it rude to eat in front of someone."

She grinned at him. "If you want a muffin, Reid, get your own."


	18. Schoolyard Rhyme

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**_Schoolyard Rhyme_**

"Emily!"

"What?"

"Tell me about that song."

Emily sighed and put down her bag, "Alright, stop squeaking."

"I don't squeak!"

She opened her mouth to argue then decided it wasn't worth it. "Do you want to hear the explanation or not?"

"Yeah, that's why I asked."

She smirked because he reminded her of someone about to hear the best story of his life.

"It's a grade school song," she said. "You never heard other kids singing it on the playground?"

"No, I was in high school by the time I was nine. I graduated from high school when I was twelve and then -"

"Reid!"

He had the decency to blush a little. "I'm just saying I never spent much time on the playground. I mostly stayed inside at recess. It was safer."

Irrationally, she wanted to hug him. Instead, she gripped the edge of her desk with both hands so they wouldn't betray her.

"I'm sorry you went through that."

"I don't want to talk about schoolyard bullies, Emily."

"Well, you heard JJ sing the first part "Garcia and Kevin sitting in a tree, K I SS I N G, first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Kevin with a baby carriage. It's meant to tease. You can choose the names of anyone you like."

"Well, the rhyme is rather juvenile, but it appears that the writer of the song was concerned with the morality of young people. Thus, the wish that love, then, marriage, then babies is the result of two young people kissing is fulfilled. It's very smart, considering that statistics show that abstinence before marriage leads to -"

"Reid," she interrupted. "I don't think the person that made up the rhyme cares about the moral wellbeing of kids."

He shrugged his shoulders. "It seems to me it would be a rather annoying to have your name in the song."

Emily began to laugh. "That's the point, Reid."

"I'm glad no one ever sang it about me then."

She laughed again, "Oh, I think you missed out as a kid."

"No, I don't think so," he said serenely. "This time, I'm very happy I missed out on something from grade school."

"It's never too late," Emily, teased.

Reid rolled his eyes. "Emily."

"Come on," she picked up her bag. "You can buy me a cup of coffee and we'll discuss it."

"I don't think so," he retorted.

"Never challenge me Reid. You might regret it."


	19. After The Movie

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**_After The Movie_**

His phone buzzed again as he dropped his messenger bag on the couch and sat down with an exhausted thump. He wanted to ignore it, as he had for the last two hours, but decided his life wasn't worth it.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Emily said as soon as he answered the line.

"Emily."

"Don't start," she warned. "I've been trying to call you for the last two hours."

"I had something to take care of," he said through tight lips.

"Right," she snapped. "Look, Spencer, the next time you want to play fast and loose with a man and a gun, count me out."

"Emily, I got the same lecture from Hotch."

"Good, you deserved to have your ass kicked."

"Why are you so upset?"

She got very quiet and he thought he heard her sniff, and then she said very calmly. "I'm upset because you could have been killed today. Does that even compute for you?"

"Yes, I just wanted to save another kid from getting shot in front of me."

She sighed and said, "One of the most maddening and wonderful things about you, is your ability to empathize with others, but you gotta learn you can only feel so much or the job will get you killed."

He lay back on the couch and looked up at his ceiling. "I'm sorry, Emily."

"I'm sure you are, but you'd do it again given the chance."

"Hotch said if I do, he'll fire me."

"Good, that'll save me the trouble of having to kick your ass."

"I'm not sorry for what I did," he said and she sighed again, "but I am sorry I scared everyone, especially you."

"Just know if you ever say, "Prentiss, cover me," and hand me your gun, I'll use it on you."

"Understood," he said solemnly, and made her laugh.

"What am I going to do with you?"

He smiled at her exasperation. "I don't know, but can we talk about that tomorrow. I'm really tired."

"Sure, you go to bed and sleep like a baby. I'll lie down and not sleep because I'll see you in the middle of the street with Owen when I close my eyes."

"How many times do I have to say I'm sorry?"

"Actions speak louder than words, Reid."

"Emily, if I ever take off my vest and go into harm's way again, you can visit me with any punishment you see fit."

"I'm going to need that in writing, Dr. Reid."


	20. Library Therapy

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**_Library Therapy_**

She found him sitting at a round table in one corner of the library. He was reading at the speed of light, which made her smile. She watched him for a few minutes as other people passed by her.

"Hey," she said.

He jerked and nearly dropped the book. "Hi, Emily."

She sat down across from him, "How are you?"

"I'm fine."

He pushed his hair behind his left ear and looked down at the book instead of at her.

"Are you sure?"

"You're not supposed to talk in a library," he reminded her.

A couple of teenage girls walked past and giggled in their direction. Emily bit back a smile.

"I'm keeping my voice down."

"Emily."

"Alright, I'll just wait for you outside. At the rate you're going, you'll finish that book in a few minutes. The sun's shining and it's warm. I'll just take a seat on the bench out front and wait."

Reid shut his book very hard. "What if I don't want you to wait?"

"Too bad," Emily said. "I'll see you when you're done."

She went outside to one of the benches that sat facing each other across the concrete sidewalk leading to the building. She put on her sunglasses and proceeded to wait. He walked out ten minutes later with a stack of books in his arms. He scowled at her, and she smiled back.

"What do you want?"

"I just wanted to make sure you're okay. Hotch told me about Mr. Corbett in Roanoke."

Reid put his books down and sat next to her. "He took a gun to the courthouse."

"We all make choices, Reid. Sometimes they're not very smart choices."

"I know," he said and then he slumped back on the bench. "I'm okay, I've just been thinking about the case and how much pain Mr. Corbett went through for all those years. Hotch talked about closure, but I don't know if I believe in that. How do you just put it all behind you? Yeah, the killer is in jail, but that doesn't bring back Darcy. He has to live every day without her in his life."

"That's true, but there's nothing you can do to make it better for him."

"Yeah, I guess I'm just taking it too personally again." She smirked at him and he finally smiled. "I am trying not to do that anymore. It's a work in progress."

"I just don't like to see you so sad."

"I'm fine. In fact, my personal form of therapy is working pretty well."

"What's that?"

"A trip to the library for new reading material."

She watched his eyes because there was something in them that was new. She wanted to ask him why he had a new strength in his face and the way he carried himself, but he wouldn't like it. Maybe one day…

"I'm glad," she said, instead and picked up her purse. "Why don't we go get something to eat?"

"Are you asking me out?"

She realized the heat was rushing into her face and her stomach had tingles. "Yeah, is that okay with you?"

"I'm not sure," he said with a prim expression.

"Why not?"

"I can't help thinking about that yearbook photo. I wonder if that girl is still inside you. If she is, I'm thinking its a good thing I have my gun with me."

Annoyance replaced the butterflies in her stomach until he began to laugh."Oh very funny, Reid. I was going to pay for dinner, but now I think you'll be picking up the check."

"Come on, Emily… I was just teasing you."

"You should have thought about that before," she informed him.

"I promise I won't say another word."

"Too late, Dr. Reid. You're paying for dinner."

He sighed and picked up his stack of books. "Fine, but I get to pick the restaurant."


	21. Constellation Confab

**_Disclaimer: see my profile_**

**_Constellation Confab_**

"How did you find this place?"

Emily observed Reid as he surveyed the tiny café. His eyes were suspicious and watchful as he looked around the room.

"I found it one night when I was out with this guy. He thought he could impress me. I wasn't impressed."

"Why are we here if you weren't impressed?"

She smiled and took a sip of the beer she'd ordered. "I wasn't impressed with him. I like this place. It's small and most of the people that come here are nice."

"It is nice," he decided. "I like that it's small and quiet."

"The food is good, too."

Their server arrived at that moment and put down plates of great smelling food on the table.

"Do you think Hotch is okay?" Emily continued.

"I'm sure he's fine. The doctor wouldn't have signed off on his return to work, if he wasn't," he said.

"He's Hotch," she reminded him and he smiled.

"Yeah, that's true."

They ate in silence until Emily couldn't take it anymore. "Are you angry with me, Reid?"

He looked up, shrugged his shoulders and took a sip of beer. "No," he said. "I was thinking about the Angel Maker."

Emily wrinkled her nose. "I don't want to think about it."

"You should be proud," he said around the hamburger he was attempting to eat.

She almost laughed because it was a specialty of the cafe, beef, onions, tomatoes, lettuce, a fried egg, cheddar cheese and bacon. It resembled a Dagwood sandwich, and getting his mouth around it was quite a chore for Reid, she could see.

"What?"

She giggled, "How do you plan on eating that burger? You can't get your mouth around it."

He had managed to get a partial bite, but some of the lettuce and cheese fell back on his plate. He swallowed very hard and grinned at her. "It's good."

"What did you say?"

"I said, it's good."

"No, before I brought up the difficulty in eating that hamburger.

"I said, you should be proud. You made the connection about the constellations and that the un-sub was a woman."

"You broke that code," she reminded him.

"Yeah, but the constellation clue, was pretty great."

"I like constellations. When I was little and we were traveling around Europe, there were places with less light pollution where you could actually see the stars at night. My dad taught me about the stars and constellations."

"It must have been great to have your dad there all the time."

She smiled sadly. "It's funny the damage a parent can do. Your dad left and after I became a teenager, my dad stopped talking to me. It's like after puberty, he forgot all the things we liked to do together." She shrugged. "If I'm honest, I have to admit that I stopped trying, too."

Reid had forgotten his huge burger, she noticed. He stared at her instead and her stomach tingled.

"There's nothing we can do about our parents," he said. "I sometimes think I would've liked the opportunity to "rebel," against my parents, though."

She smiled sadly. "Sorry if I brought up bad memories."

"It's okay."

They ate in more silence, but this time it was a companionable silence. She said. "Do you think Hotch will string out his drive, like Rossi suggested?"

"Yeah, I think he has a lot to think about."

"Speaking of thinking, what was that "evil twin, eviler, twin," thing on the jet?"

He choked on his burger. She was about to get up and smack him on the back when he wheezed out. "I just thought that since people seem to think there can be a good twin and an evil twin, why not evil or eviler twin. It seemed like a good idea at the time."

She picked up her bottle of beer and saluted him. "Here's to new ideas and good friends."

"Yeah," he said after laboriously getting down another large bit of his burger. "I like that."


	22. Baby Genius

**_Disclaimer: see my profile_**

**_Baby Genius_**

Reid waited for the elevator when Emily walked up and stood without speaking. He looked over at her, but she was staring at the doors to the elevator.

"Emily?"

"Hmm…"

"You ok."

"Sure," she said.

He resumed waiting for the elevator and wondered why it took so long when you wanted to go home. Emily didn't talk and her silence made his heart beat very fast in his chest. He looked at her out of the corner of his eye, but she was studying the elevator doors.

At last, the doors opened after a ding from the car and he followed her inside. The car was empty, which made him very nervous for some reason.

"Emily, are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I was just thinking about the case."

"Oh."

Somehow, her assurance of her thoughts didn't make him feel any better. He looked at her again and she was staring at him.

"What?"

"Don't play innocent with me, Dr. Reid. You never answered the question I asked."

"What are you talking about?"

"The fact that you're squeaking tells me you know exactly what I mean."

He swallowed and decided to look at the panel with all the buttons for each floor in the building. He wondered if he could push the button for the next floor and get off before Emily reached the door close button. He decided the odds were way in favor of her victory. "I never think about it," he blurted out.

"Too bad…"

He glanced over at her so fast he nearly got a neck cramp.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

The doors opened and she stepped out. "Nothing," she said and grinned at him. "I was just thinking it'd be a shame to waste all the great genes you got going on.

He opened his mouth to say she was wrong, that he was awkward, shy, less than average looking, and might pass on a serious mental illness to a child, when she winked at him. "Something wrong," she said cheekily.

"N-no," he stuttered. "I just think you're wrong. No one notices me," he said unhappily.

"You should take a minute to look around, Spencer Reid. You might be surprised. Sometimes, the thing you want is right in front of your eyes."


	23. Prelude to the Truth

**_Disclaimer: see my profile_**

**_Prelude to the Truth_**

He pushed a few strands of errant hair behind his ear and squinted against the glare of the Nevada sun. It was much warmer here than in DC, but he didn't feel it. All he could think about was the dream.

"Hey," Emily said.

He looked left to see her approaching. The wind whipped her ponytail over her shoulder, and her dark eyes were questioning.

"Hey," he answered.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, just thinking about that dream," he said distractedly.

"Look, I'm sorry if I embarrassed you on the jet, I was just -"

"It's okay," he interrupted and gave her a tiny smile. "Morgan explained it all to me."

"Yeah, I saw you talkin' to him. I think you were just placating him. What's really going on in your head?"

He quickly filled her in with everything Morgan had told him about Riley Jenkins.

"I know he was real, I just can't pull it out of my head."

"If you say he's real, then I believe you, but what can you do about it?"

He put his hands in his pockets. "Nothing, I suppose. I'm sure it's just being here that's brought it all up. I'm sure it'll pass when we go home."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Are you sure that's all it is"

He nodded and changed the subject. "Hotch said we can stay until tomorrow."

Her eyebrows went up. "Hm… sounds like fun. We should all get dinner. I'm starved."

He looked into her eyes and his stomach did a slow drop. "I can't, I'm going to see my mom. I'm going to stay with her if the doctor says its okay."

"Oh, well, I guess I'll see you on the jet tomorrow."

"Yeah," he smiled for her and she grinned back. "Hey, while the others are out of earshot, I'm sorry we were up so late talking the other night."

He felt his face going red. "I'm glad, even if I did fall asleep on the jet. I like talking to you."

"Me too."

She got up close and said very quietly. "I hope some day we do a little more than talk, Dr. Reid."

She left him there staring after her. He couldn't make his brain take in what she said for several moments, and then he smiled so wide it hurt his mouth.

_Yeah, some day.  
><em>


	24. The Truth Hurts

**_Disclaimer: see my profile_**

**_The Truth Hurts_**

She sipped at her favorite white wine and stared out the window at the beautiful view of DC with all the lights and color. She looked back at her cell phone as she had three times in the last ten minutes. She wanted to call him but - she started when a knock sounded on her door. She wouldn't have heard a light tap, had it not been so quiet in her apartment.

The person on the other side of the door was the last person she expected to see. She breathed in deep to clear her head and stop her heart from pounding.

"Reid," she greeted. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm sorry, I know it's late, but I have to talk and I didn't want to speak on the phone."

She let him in, because his face was white and his hands were trembling. "Go sit down. I'll get you a glass of wine."

"No," he said. "I hate wine."

"Too bad, I can see you're upset and you need it."

"No," he said again. "Just a glass of water, please."

She stopped and stared at him. "You want water instead of coffee?"

"Yes, please," he asked like a small child requesting candy from a teacher.

"You're scaring me, Reid. What the hell happened?"

He went to her window instead of answering. She watched his back, and the way his shoulders slumped, until she couldn't stand it.

She got him the water and he took it without comment and drank it down fast. "More please," he pleaded.

She gave him another glassful and he drank until it was half-empty. "Thanks," he wiped his mouth with one hand. "Sorry."

"Will you please tell me what's bothering you? You were so happy at the hospital with JJ and Henry."

"I," he swallowed hard and sat on her couch. "I was happy, but then I went home and started thinking about my dad and Riley Jenkins."

His voice cracked and tears filled his eyes. "Reid, I don't know what happened, but I'm here."

She reached over and took his hand. He squeezed it so tight she nearly gasped in pain, but she couldn't make herself pull away. His eyes ripped her heart in two.

"I talked to my mom and dad. They split up because my mom protected me and he protected her. It was too much, all the hiding and the secrets. I was a little boy," he said fiercely. "I just wanted my mom and dad."

"Reid, I -"

"I was so angry with my dad, that I accused him of child rape and murder. I wanted it to be him, Emily."

"I know that's not true -"

He pulled away from her and got up to pace the room. "I did want it to be him. All my life I couldn't figure out why he left. I thought it was me. I thought he didn't like me because of my brains and -

She went to him and stopped him in his tracks. "Reid, that's not true."

"How do you know? Everyone hates it when I quote statistics and facts. They all think I'm weird."

"I don't," she said.

"You're just being nice. One of these days you'll get sick of me too."

"No," she threw her arms around him. "I'm never going to get tired of you. You can push me away all you want, but it won't change how I feel."

He put his head on her shoulder, like a child with his mother after a rough day and began to sob. She bit the inside of her mouth until the pain made her tears retreat. She held onto him until he raised his head and wiped his red-rimmed eyes. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize," she said through clenched teeth. "I'm so sorry, Spencer."

"I don't know how I'm supposed to feel."

"You don't have to feel any special way. You know the truth now. That has to count for something."

He went back to the couch and sat slumped near one arm. "What do I do now?"

"Why don't you just lie down and go to sleep?"

"No, I can't stay. I have to -"

He began to rise, but she pushed him down. "That couch is very comfortable. I'll get you a pillow and blanket. I'm not letting you go home now. You need some sleep."

He rubbed at his eyes like an exhausted child and her heart broke again. "Alright, thank you, Emily."

"No problem, just get some sleep."

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He still slept when she came down the next morning. She'd already spoken to Hotch, who'd told her that both of them should stay out of the office. He'd understood with the minimum of explanation and it made her glad for her job.

By the time she had coffee perking along merrily in a pot, Reid had entered the kitchen. His hair stuck up and his clothes were wrinkled, but he looked rested.

"Hi," he said shyly. "Look, I'm sorry about last night."

"Why are you apologizing?"

He smiled at her and her heart sang. "Thanks for letting me stay, but I better go. We're gonna be late -"

"I hope you're not mad, but I talked to Hotch. We have the day off."

"Oh," he said. "I could use a personal day."

"Me too," she agreed as she poured out coffee into two lemon yellow coffee mugs.

They sat and sipped at coffee in a silence that was amiable instead of filled with pain and doubt.

"So," she finally said. "You're Henry's godfather."

He went very pink in the cheeks. "Yeah, I can't believe I said yes. Maybe I should call JJ and have her ask Morgan or Hotch," he said.

"She asked you because she wants you to do the job."

"What if I mess up," there was fear in his face again.

"You are not going to mess up. Henry is gonna love you. You're gonna to be great."

"I hope so. He is pretty great for a newborn."

"He is pretty cute."

"Emily," he asked after another comfortable silence. "Why were you hung over that morning?"

She almost choked on her coffee. She could see that he really didn't have a clue and suddenly she wanted to shake him. Yeah, she'd gone out, proceeded to get good, and drunk that night because he was driving her crazy for his inability to notice her as more than a friend.

"It was a pretty stupid thing to do," she agreed. "I guess I just wanted to get into the spirit of Las Vegas."

"There's more to Vegas than gambling, alcohol and show girls."

"Really, then maybe one day you can show me the real Vegas."

"Maybe I will," he conceded.


	25. Recruitment Tool

**_Disclaimer: see my profile_**

**_Recruitment Tool_**

"So, you told a joke about existentialism to a bunch of college kids at a recruitment meeting," Emily said through a smirk.

"How do you know? Oh, Rossi told you."

He looked up at Rossi's office, which was dark because Rossi had left hours ago with the rest of the team.

"Yeah, he mentioned it."

"I'll bet he did."

She almost laughed at the morose look on his face. "I told him and I'll tell you, I don't know why they keep sending me back there. I'm not good in front of large groups."

"You always do great when it comes time to give profiles."

He reached for his cup of coffee sipped and made a face. "Cold," he said irritably.

"Reid."

"I don't mind profiles; I've had lots of practice. Recruitment seminars are different."

"How?"

He sighed and put his coffee cup back on his desk. "I don't know how to talk to people in groups outside of my job, okay. I start okay, and then I babble, or tell something weird like that joke.

"You know what I think?"

"I'm sure you're going to tell me," Reid said irritably.

"I'm not going to tell you what to do," she said calmly.

"You're not."

"No, the Bureau has its reasons for sending you out for recruitment. I don't know why, but it works."

"Rossi said it's because I'm young."

"He's right. The Bureau's always looking for help in bringing in new agents, especially women. We are an equal opportunity employer," she quipped.

"I still don't understand why I'd make that any easier."

"Because you're attractive, smart and young."

Reid went very pink in the cheeks. "That's not what they think."

She opened her mouth to refute his argument, but amazingly, she couldn't make the words form or leave her mouth.

He wasn't looking at her anyway. He had his face buried in a new file. There was only one thing to do it seemed.

"I think we've been here for too long. It's nearly seven and I'm starved."

"I'm not hungry," Reid said morosely.

"I think need a triple chocolate chip cup cake with chocolate ganache frosting."

His eyes lit up. "The one from TLC Cupcakes?"

"Of course, but we have to hurry. They close at eight."

CMCMCMCMCM

"This is great," Reid enthused.

Emily followed him to one of the tables near the north-facing window. She took one of the chairs with pink seats and heart shaped backs. The other tables were about half full because the shop closed in half an hour.

"Yeah, these are to die for," she agreed.

"Not very nutritious for dinner," he observed.

"Who cares?"

He grinned at her and took a huge bite of his cupcake. She smiled back and sat back in her chair.

"Feel better?" she asked.

"I guess."

"Enough to tell me what's really bothering you."

He began to fidget with the paper wrapping around what remained of his cupcake. "I was just thinking about Professor - um, I mean, Henry Grace. He used me to get to Rossi. I was so flattered that he liked my joke. I just let him -"

"Stop it right there," she put out and hand touched his arm. "He would have found another way, Reid. You know that."

"I know," he said unhappily. "I guess I thought that someone appreciated what I have to say and it turns out to be a serial killer."

"Everyone on the team appreciates what you do every day."

"Yeah, but I just wanted someone - oh never mind."

"You wanted someone outside of the BAU to take notice."

"Yeah… I know it's stupid and I sound like desperate kid and -"

"No, it's not stupid, Reid. Everyone wants a little appreciation now and then. In our job, we rarely get the "atta boy," pats on the back."

He finally looked up at her and gave out and short laugh. "At least we got him and we didn't have to talk him down a gun point."

She laughed again. "No, we just had to get through his booby traps and fool him into confessing."

Reid smiled, and the way his face lit up sent little tingles down her spine. "That was Rossi," he said.

"True, but you figured out the Fibonacci sequence. Pretty smart."

He went pink again. "It was easy, once I knew where all the girls disappeared from and then I could see it in his behavior."

"And, you wonder why the Bureau wants you to go on recruiting seminars," she said as she rolled her eyes dramatically.

"Alright," he admitted. "I get it, but next time I hope we don't find another Henry Grace."

She popped the rest of the cupcake in her mouth, chewed, swallowed, and said. "Now that we've had dessert, why don't we have something a little healthier for dinner?"

"Do we have to?"

"Yes, Dr. Reid, you've fed the child, now let's go feed the man."


	26. Too Late?

**_Disclaimer: see my profile_**

**_Too Late? _**

Emily paced her apartment like a caged tiger. Even after three hours, she could not get thoughts of Spencer Reid out of her head. They whirled around and around like bats spiraling out of a cave into midnight darkness and the hunt. The only difference is they wouldn't leave; they just squeaked and fluttered around her skull.

_It's your fault. You waited too long and now it's too late_, _so suck it up and get over it._

Yeah, it was her fault. She had no one left to blame but herself and boy was it true what they said. The truth hurts. It hurt like the devil, so much that her throat burned from keeping back the tears.

She shook her head and headed to her kitchen. It was her fault and she wouldn't cry over something she could've prevented. Now, it was time to forget in the best way she knew.

CMCMCMCMCM

He sat with his head bowed over a file when she entered the bullpen. She drew in a breath and remembered every time she'd had to hide her real feelings from her parents as a kid. The mask over her emotions, the one that she'd come to depend on for years, the one that had cracked and nearly fallen away when she realized she loved Reid, flew back together and slammed into place.

Or, so she thought.

"Hey," he said to her and he was smiling in such a way she wanted to smack him.

_Oh yeah, the mask is back all right._

"Hi," she said brightly. "How are you?"

"I'm great."

"I'll bet. Morgan told me about your special delivery from Atlanta."

He flushed red and she nearly lost it. Her hands gripped the edge of her desk so hard they cramped, but she kept the smile on her face.

"Yeah," he said. "I still can't believe it. Morgan actually gave me some good advice."

"He did?"

_Oh god, did I just squeak?_

If she had, then he hadn't noticed, thank god. He was too busy drinking from his coffee cup.

"Yeah, he didn't tell you."

"No."

"I'm surprised," he said perplexed. "I thought he'd take the credit."

"For what?"

"He's the one that told me to go with my strengths. I thought it wouldn't work, doing magic, but she liked it."

"She did."

"Yeah, I couldn't believe it when she asked me if she could call me. It was…" He stopped talking smiled at her. "I'm sorry," he continued, "I should just -"

"It's okay," she said as tears collected in the back of her throat. She cleared it and forced a smile onto her lips. "You deserve to be happy. I'm glad you found someone."

He frowned. "We'll see, but she's in Atlanta and I'm here."

"Well, Reid I think -"

"You're right," he interrupted as if he didn't hear. "I'm borrowing trouble again. I'm working on it."

"I - ah, I'm glad. I just want you to be happy."

"Hey," Morgan said as he sauntered into the bullpen. "How's it going, lover boy?"

Reid flinched away and glared at Morgan when his partner ruffled his hair. "Knock it off, Morgan."

_Yeah, knock it off, Morgan._

She fisted her hands together so that she didn't reach out and strangle Morgan, as satisfying as that may be. Leave it to him to teach Reid how to get a woman to notice him. Why now? Why not two years ago before she'd fallen so hard?

_Why didn't you make your move before Morgan became his tutor in the ways of love?_

She made her hands relax. She even smiled at Morgan. "Sounds like you created a monster."

"Emily."

She lifted her eyebrows. "We're just teasing you, Reid."

He grabbed his coffee mug. "I need another cup," he announced.

Morgan slapped him on the back. "I'll go with you. You can tell me what else is new."

She watched them walk away and it felt like her last chance at happiness walked away with them.

_Again, it's your fault. You should have spoken up when you had the chance._

She picked up the file from the top of her inbox and opened it. The voice in her head was inconvenient, but it always told her the truth. Maybe one day she'd learn to listen to it before it was too late.


	27. Rainy Day

**_Disclaimer: see my profile_**

**_Rainy Day _**

Emily decided the best and worst thing about movie theaters is their ability to make you forget the outside world for just a few short hours. Actually, forgetting the outside world was never in the cards for Emily, but she had to try. After their last case with the road rage killer, she'd wanted the escape.

_That's not the only reason, or even the most important. What about Reid? _

_Stop it!_

As soon as the credits began to roll for "Everyone Dies But Me," a new Russian language film at The Globe, she got out of her seat and hurried out of the theater. "That was a waste of effort."

Unfortunately, it was raining she saw, and by the looks of it, had been raining at least since the beginning of the movie.

"That's just great."

She pulled up her the hood on her jacket and ducked her head. Rain pounded down on her as she ran for the parking lot. Cold water splashed around her shoes and soaked her feet. Water soaked into her jacket and into her hair, and slid down her face to join the traitor tears running down her cheeks.

She hurried around the corner of the theater and wiped at her eyes. Thunder boomed overhead and she flinched. One sneaker clad foot slipped and she nearly fell.

"Hey," said a familiar voice and one gentle hand reached out to steady her.

She looked up to see Reid standing there with a very large, black umbrella over his head.

He wore a light blue rain jacket and his slacks and running shoes. He smiled at her and something broke inside.

"Hi," he said.

"Hi."

"Are you here to see "Everyone Dies But Me?" I heard it was -"

"I have to go," she croaked. "I'm really not feeling well."

"Emily, wait?"

She hurried away from him as fast as she could. He called out to her, but she ignored him. Thunder boomed again and she got into her car and put her face down on the steering wheel until her tears stopped.

She realized that she was shivering with cold. She turned on the car and the heater until it was blasting. The cold air made the shivers worse but she had to feel dry again.

The sky overhead was roiling with black and pewter clouds and everything seemed to be grey and dull as rain pounded down on the hood of her car and the windshield. It was raining so hard the wipers couldn't keep up until she turned them on high and they began to dash back and forth, and back and forth.

She shouldn't have run like that. Now, he'd wonder and he wouldn't let it go. How could she continue to work with him now that he had someone else?

She put the car in gear and drove home. It didn't matter because she'd failed to make her move and now it was over for good.

CMCMCMCMCMCM

She was staring at her coffee cup rotating in the microwave when someone knocked at her door. She ignored it but the person knocked again. "Damn it."

He stood there with concern written all over his angelic face when she opened the door. "What do you want, Reid?"

He flinched at her tone. "I was concerned about you."

"I said, I don't feel well. Don't you get it?"

He looked down at his shoes and something squeezed in her chest. His eyes were full of unhappiness and some anger when he raised them to look at her.

"What?" She demanded, irrationally pissed at him.

He stared at her for a minute, and then he said, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to intrude. I'll go."

He turned and she almost called him back, but she couldn't make her mouth form his name. She watched him until he was out of sight on the stairs. She shut the door and went back to her living room. She sat down and stared out at the grey skies and the rain that fell on and on.

_If you wanted to alienate him, you're doing a bang up job._

_Shut up._

The voice in her head went silent, but she couldn't get the hurt in his eyes out of her head. She reached for her phone, and then put it on the couch. Maybe tomorrow, if it weren't raining, she would call.


	28. Just Friends?

**_Disclaimer: see my profile_**

**_Just Friends?_**

He almost walked away when he finally found her standing near the edge of the obstacle course, three days after they returned from Florida. She had her back to him and seemed to be staring at something in the distance that he couldn't see. He watched her for a moment and then sighed and squared his shoulders.

"Emily," he called out to her.

He saw her shoulders hitch and her body tighten. She didn't turn around for a long time. He was about to leave, when she finally faced him. Her face was carefully schooled into calm lines, but he could she how tight she held her body, like a snake about to strike. What do you do when confronted by a coiling snake? You run. He didn't.

"May I speak to you?"

She turned and began to walk away toward their building. He ran to catch up, "Wait."

She stopped at the command in his voice.

"What's wrong?" He asked calmly, despite the uneasiness in her eyes.

"Please," she said. "I don't want to talk."

"You haven't talked for weeks now. You shut down, ever since we returned from Georgia. Why?"

She swallowed hard, but kept her eyes on him. "I'm fine, I'm just tired and the cases we've had -"

"Aren't worse than before Atlanta. What did I do?"

His heart thumped in his chest as he watched something enter her eyes. The anger he'd seen in them for weeks had changed, into something he couldn't identify.

"We were friends. Now you won't talk to me unless the case demands it or you think the others are watching. What did I do?" He repeated.

His hands pushed into his pocket because they were shaking and he was afraid she'd see it and use it against him.

"You didn't do anything. It's just -"

"What is it, Emily? I thought we could tell each other anything."

"I - oh, damn it."

He watched her throat work and she blinked rapidly against the tears he could see collecting in her eyes. He'd never seen her cry and it tore at something in his chest.

"Emily."

"Look, why don't you go call Austin if you want to talk to someone. You seem to be very close."

He felt his body flinch at the renewed anger in her eyes and finally something clicked in his head.

"Are you jealous of Austin?" He blurted out.

"No, I just think if you want a friend you should -"

"Don't lie to me!"

It was her turn to flinch and then she straightened up and her dark eyes flashed. "Don't take that tone with me, Reid."

"Why not? Your body language is screaming at me. It took me until now to see what's going on because no one's ever been jealous over me."

Despite the fact that Emily resembled more than ever a snake about to strike, he was absurdly overjoyed that someone was jealous over him.

"Don't sound so proud, Reid. It's not going to last, believe me."

She turned on her heel and walked away so fast he had to run to catch up. "Emily, I'm sorry. I didn't mean -"

"You didn't mean to what."

She planted her feet and crossed her arms over her chest. "You didn't mean to what, fall for someone else. I thought we were getting close, Spencer. I thought - oh god, I can't believe we're having this conversation."

"I'm glad; it's better than the cold shoulder, believe me."

She began to stride away. He reached out and grabbed her arm. She yanked it away and rounded on him. "Don't touch me."

'I don't understand what you want," he shouted and now he was pissed. "You're the one that spent the last two years just being my friend. You never said you wanted more. Then, I find someone that likes me for who I am and you lose it."

"I haven't lost it," she shouted back.

"What do you call it? You won't talk to me. You shut me out and pretend that you're just stressed from work. I want my friend back, Emily."

"I don't know if I can be just friends," she hurled back.

They stood in stunned silence as what she said sank in. His mind whirled with her admission. He liked Austin very much. They had long phone conversations, but she wasn't there with him like Emily. Still, he should give it a chance because Austin accepted him. Emily never had, not like a man wanted to be accepted and he was a man, no matter what the others saw when he walked in a room.

"I don't know what you want me to say. I like Austin," he reiterated. "She noticed me, Emily. You never noticed."

"I did."

"No, you didn't," he said. "All you wanted was to be my friend. Well, that's all we are now. I want to see what happens with Austin. It may not last, but I'm not going to ruin it just because you couldn't let down your guard long enough to see what we could've had."

"Reid, I -"

"Just stop it, Emily. Stop trying to make me feel bad."

Her dark eyes blazed so hot he thought he might be burned, but he didn't walk away. She clenched her fists, then they slowly unclenched them, and her shoulders dropped. "You're right. I'm not being fair to you. I'm sorry, Reid."

He nodded, "Accepted, and I'm sorry I got so loud. I just didn't know what to do."

She finally smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. "There's nothing for you to do. It's my problem. I have to work it out. I don't want to lose a friend, though."

He smiled back. "I missed you."

"Yeah," she said. "I missed you too. Do you forgive me?"

He shrugged, "As long as you promise me, you'll never shut me out or lie to me about what you're feeling."

"I promise."

He walked next to her back to the building because lunchtime was over and he had a stack of paperwork on his desk for their last case.

"Reid," she said after a minute.

"Yeah."

"I hope you're happy."

He glanced over to see she was watching him with her intense dark eyes. "I wasn't for a long time, but now I am."

"I'm glad."

"It's not because of Austin," he said, "Or, not entirely because of her. I have my friend back. How can I not be happy?"

He watched her as they walked. She smiled at him, a genuine smile with real warmth and doubt began to creep into his heart. Emily, after all, was right there and Austin was hundreds of miles away.

"What?" Emily asked.

"Nothing, I was just thinking and wondering about something I never considered."

"What is it?"

He shrugged. "I'll tell you when I figure it out."


	29. Queen of Hearts

**_Disclaimer: see my profile_**

**_Queen of Hearts_**

He was deep in a game of solitaire when a coffee mug with the FBI logo on the outside, and his favorite concoction on the inside, appeared in front of him. He glanced up to see Emily standing there with another black, FBI coffee mug in her hand. She was smiling at him and it made him want to smile back.

"Do you mind?"

"No, and thanks for the refill."

"You're welcome."

"Wanna play poker?" He asked casually.

She sat down and gathered up the cards. "Only if I deal."

He shrugged. "Doesn't matter to me."

She began to shuffle. "I'll admit that I'm not a card shark from Vegas, but that doesn't mean I don't have a trick or two up my sleeve."

He gestured for her to continue. "I'm not afraid."

"We'll see."

She kept her eyes on the cards because if she looked at the way his hair waved back from his face, she might lose her ability to bluff him into submission.

"While we're young," he said.

"Cute, I'm just making sure you can't cheat by remembering where the cards were in your solitaire game and reordering them in your head.

His eyebrows went up. "I think you're a bit paranoid, Emily."

"No, I just know how your mind works."

"Just deal the cards."

She dealt because the purple shirt he wore made his eyes more gold than brown and it did things to her stomach. How could she just be friends when he looked like that? Damn that Austin!

"Thanks," he said when he picked up his hand.

"Why are you so happy?"

"I'm not, just making you think I am so you let your guard down."

"Very funny. How many cards do you want?"

He looked utterly serene, which made her want to smack him. "I'm fine with what I have."

"Oh, confident are we."

"You're the one that's anxious to play."

"Fine, she huffed, "Dealer takes two."

"What are you -?"

"Reid, just bet," she interrupted.

He pushed over five pretzel sticks he removed from a bag on the table. "Five."

She rearranged her cards. "Five and five more," she said after a long time.

He glanced up at her and smirked. "I think you're bluffing."

"It's going to cost you ten to find out."

"Ten and twenty more," he pushed over more sticks.

"Alright with me," she counted out thirty and laid down her full house.

"Hm, aces and eights, dead man's hand. That's pretty good," he said thoughtfully.

"Just lay down your cards."

"Sorry," he gleefully smirked. "Four of a kind, all kings."

"Damn it, how do you do that?"

"I'm a genius."

"No, you count cards. I don't know why I try."

His smile reminded her of a self-satisfied cat with bird feathers around its mouth.

"Want to try and win back your pretzels?"

"No!"

"Okay, I'll just go back to solitaire."

She watched him make the cards fly through his hands, which was a mistake because the movements of his fingers made her stomach tingle. She decided to look out the window, and then remembered that it was black night out and all she'd see was her reflection. When she turned back to Reid, he was looking at her questioningly.

"What?"

"Nothing, just thinking about the case."

"Don't remind me."

"Do you believe in psychics?"

"What brought that on?"

"Your horoscope this morning and the fact that we found our victim where a psychic said she'd be."

"Oh yeah, the horoscope; I'd forgotten about that. What's up with giving Garcia my birth date?"

He had the decency to blush. "She would've just looked it up on her computer, had I not told her."

"Well, I suppose… anyway I think its all guesswork and good profiling."

"JJ said he shook her hand then pointed to her ring and said congratulations."

"Yeah, he realized that it was new and took the chance it was for a special occasion. There's nothing psychic about that."

"What about where we found the girl? There was water and a rocky shore."

Emily shrugged. "I don't have all the answers, but I do know there's no romance for me in the foreseeable future."

"Emily, I -"

She shushed him. "I'm fine, Spencer. You and I said we would be friends, and we will be, alright?"

He smiled despite the confusing disappointment in his gut. How could he feel disappointed when he'd met someone like Austin?

"Yeah, we're friends."

"Good."

She picked up her coffee cup. "I'm going for more coffee. Want more?"

"No, I think I'm going to try and get some sleep."

She put down her cup. "Maybe you're right."

"I'm right?" He asked with lifted eyebrows.

"Yeah, we still have a couple hours in the air, so I might as well sleep."

"Sweet dreams," he said and closed his eyes.

She indulged in a good long look at him as he drifted off to sleep and knew that she'd never follow him into the embrace of Morpheus. She picked up the deck of cards and began to shuffle them. She dealt out a hand face down and hesitated before flipping them over.

"I thought you were going to sleep."

She flinched in surprise at Reid's curious eyes.

"Why don't you look at the cards?"

"I was just playing."

He reached over, but she stopped his hand from picking up the cards. "No."

"Suit yourself."

"Interesting choice of words," she said and flipped over the hand.

She desperately hoped her face didn't betray the surprise she felt. It was a straight flush, in hearts with the queen as the high card.

She reached out and swept the cards back into the deck, "Lucky draw."

"Or, maybe there's more to life and luck, than are dreamt of in Emily Prentiss's philosophy."


	30. It's Not His Card Anymore

**_Disclaimer: see my profile_**

**_It's Not His Card Anymore_**

He poured out a second cup of coffee and sat down at one of the break room tables. Another agent was at the sink washing an apple. He watched her take a bite. She looked at him, smiled and winked. He felt his face getting red and wished for a file to hide behind.

"Hey, Reid," said Emily as she hurried into the room.

His heart rate jumped and he forgot about the other agent in favor of Emily dressed in his favorite red tank with grey trousers and jacket.

"Hi," he squeaked, and then took a sip of his coffee. Perhaps the heat of the drink would smooth out his traitor voice.

"Why are you hiding in here?"

She was smirking at him like it was old times, so his heart stopped trying to throw itself out of his chest.

"I'm not hiding, just taking a break."

"I am hiding," Emily sighed and joined him at the table.

"Why?"

She went a little pink in the cheeks. "I'm avoiding the paperwork from our last case. I don't wanna think about it."

"Why?"

"Gives me the creeps," she said. "How could she not know what her boyfriend was doing?"

"Psychopaths are very good at putting on a mask and hiding their true impulses."

"I know that," she said irritably as she turned her coffee cup around in a circle. "I know all the reasoning behind every serial killer that's had a so called normal relationship, BTK, Bundy, this guy, and it still doesn't make sense."

"What's really bothering you?" He asked gently.

"She said he liked to pretend to choke and rape her, how could she think that's okay."

"Some women have rape fantasies; it's a result of -"

"Reid, I know that too…"

He just stared at her because he couldn't think of anything to say.

"I'm sorry," she continued. "I'm letting this get to me. Why don't we talk about something else?"

"I don't know what to say."

She studied him for so long he wanted to squirm in his chair, but he managed, just barely, to stay still.

"You've been unhappy since you went down to Atlanta last weekend. Did something happen with Austin?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Reid, I didn't mean to pry-"

"Yes, you did," he heard himself say and anger clouded his eyes. "You want something to go wrong."

"That's not true," she hissed.

Another agent entered the break room and went straight for the coffee. "I'll see you later," he said and fled.

When he was back at his desk, he took out the card Austin sent to him. He'd kept it in his top desk drawer where he could see it and remember that someone thought he was worth liking. He looked at the lip prints on the back and then, dropped it into the garbage can.


	31. Hold My Hand

**_Disclaimer: see my profile_**

**_Hold My Hand_**

Emily sat down next to Reid who was reading a book. The jet was quiet accept for the low hum of the engines. Everyone was asleep and she was tired, but she knew it was useless to try to close her eyes.

Reid suddenly closed his book with a snap and put it back in his messenger bag. He picked up his coffee cup and then put it down again. His fingers restlessly picked at his sleeve and he wouldn't look at her.

"So," she began in a light tone. "What was that with the madam?"

He looked out the window at the black of the night beyond the jet. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yeah, just like you don't know why ladies of the evening find you so attractive."

"Emily," he pleaded, but at least he was making eye contact with her.

"She seemed very interested in what you had to say. She was pretty much ignoring me."

"No, she wasn't," he denied.

His puppy eyes almost undid her desire to give him space and keep things light until he was ready to confide in her about what had obviously happened with Austin.

"Alright," she conceded. "Perhaps ignoring me is a little harsh. I just think if she were one of her girls and not the madam, you would have been in serious trouble."

"She's at least twenty years older than me," he squeaked in a low whisper.

"So what?"

"So, that would be wrong."

"You think that an older woman and a younger man can't have something meaningful."

"No, I mean yes, I mean - I don't know. I'm not the one to ask. Go talk to Morgan."

"I don't want to talk to Morgan. I'm asking you."

He looked out the window again. "I don't think age matters if you care for someone."

"Good, I'm glad you said that."

He looked at her again. "What is that supposed to mean."

"It's nothing. I was just curious."

"Are you sure?"

Something in his tone set her heart to pounding. "Yeah, I'm sure."

They sat in a very uncomfortable silence until she couldn't stand it. "What's going on with you and Austin?"

"I told you I don't want to talk about it."

"You've been different since you came back from Atlanta a couple of weeks ago."

"Emily."

She held up a hand. "You might not believe this, but I just want you to be happy."

He sighed. "Okay, but you have to promise not to tell anyone."

"I swear."

She had the crazy notion to cross her heart and promise to die like a kid in school.

"You know I have trust issues," Reid said.

"Yes."

"Well, I thought I could trust Austin. We'd been talking on the phone and texting each other for weeks. I really thought we could talk about anything. When I went to see her, I told her about my parents."

"Oh."

"She kind of freaked out about my mother. The visit was pretty awkward and tense after that. Then I come back here and a week later she calls to say she met someone and she's sorry."

"I'm really sorry, Reid."

"Why, you're the one that was so mad when I met her. I thought you'd be happy."

"I'm not happy that you're sad. If she can't see past your mother and her illness then she's not worth it."

"I know that, I guess I thought she was different. I should have known that it was all too good to be true. She probably only liked me because I saved her life."

"I don't think that's true."

"It doesn't matter." He shrugged it off, but she could see the hurt in his eyes.

She reached over and took his hand. He didn't pull away and after about ten minutes, he slept. She attempted to pull her hand away, but he gripped it like she was a life preserver, so she stopped trying to tug away

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

She had the insane urge to kiss him as he slept, but then she'd had that urge for weeks now. She looked down at his fingers. They were as delicate as birds, as strong as steel and as beautiful as a concert pianist. She looked back at him and saw that his chest rose and fell in regular intervals. His face had smoothed out and he smiled a bit as if his dreams were pleasant for a change.

She lifted his hand to her lips and held it there for a long time. His skin was warm and soft against her mouth. Suddenly, she had to blink back burning tears. She cleared her throat and let their hands return to the space between their bodies.

"Good night," she whispered.

He shifted and she froze, but he didn't open his eyes. He wasn't smiling anymore and a tear crawled out from under the lashes of one eye.

He squeezed her hand tight and she had to swallow hard against her own tears. "I promise it'll be okay," she said.

His hand went limp and she reluctantly pulled free of his grasp. She got up and hurried back to the bathroom. Her reflection in the mirror was haunted.

"Get it together, Prentiss."

She ran some water and splashed it on her face. When she went back to her seat, she'd go to sleep just like the rest of the team and when they got home, she'd try to figure out what to do next.

_**A/n I know that kiss wasn't exactly what some of you had in mind, but it's a start. Patience, my friends, we are getting there. **_


	32. Kiss Me

**_Disclaimer: see my profile_**

**_A/n this picks up after "Demonology."_**

**_Kiss Me_**

Reid picked up his coffee cup and sighed. The smell of his favorite beverage was like ambrosia on a night with snow. He looked over at the window and shivered. At least he was in his warm apartment, with coffee and a new stack of books from the library.

He went to the couch and opened one of his books. Five minutes later he closed it because he was still on page one. He reached for his phone and looked at the contact screen. Should he try to call Emily? She was so upset by her friend's death. He'd be upset too, and friends were supposed to be there for each other when it got bad.

_You want her to be more than a friend. Call her._

He did want her to be more than a friend. She admitted that she was jealous because of Austin. He'd been flattered by Austin's attention, but had he been secretly happy that Austin was out of the picture no matter the reason. Was he happy that someone noticed him as more than a human computer?

He sipped at his coffee and looked back at his phone. The screen had gone dark. He reached out a finger to tap it back to life, when someone knocked on his door. It was Emily.

"Hi," he managed to say without squeaking.

Then he saw that she was covered in snow. Her hair was wet and she was shivering.

"Come in," he ordered. "You're soaked."

"I'm sorry, Reid, I shouldn't be -"

"Take off your coat, shoes and your wet clothes."

"Reid, I'm not -"

"Don't argue," he snapped. "I'll be right back."

When he came back, she had taken off her coat and shoes. She was still shivering. The heat whooshed on after he punched up the temperature on the furnace control panel. "I told you to take off your wet clothes; your pant legs are soaked."

He held a towel and a ratty old robe in his hands. "I'm not taking them off with you here," she argued around chattering teeth.

"My bathroom is right down the hall."

She glared at him as she took the robe and towel. "Only because I'm freezing."

When she returned several minutes later, he had a hot cup of coffee ready for her. She took it and sipped gratefully. "Thank you," she said and he noticed that her shivering had stopped.

"You're welcome."

"I'm sorry to barge in here, but I needed…"

She turned to him and hugged him tight. When he got over the surprise, he hugged her back. "I'm so sorry about your friend."

"Thanks, Spencer."

She went to the couch and took another sip from her coffee. "I was walking and I found myself outside a church. I didn't mean to go there, but - well I guess my subconscious wanted to go."

He tried not to look at her legs peeking out from under his robe. This was no time to ogle!

"Spencer."

He looked up, but she hadn't seemed to notice him staring at her, "Yeah."

"Do you believe in demons and possession?"

"Most religions teach balance, or an ongoing battle between Good and Evil. I think if you believe in God you have to believe in an Ultimate Evil."

"I never realized you thought about it."

"I don't go to church, if that's what you mean."

"I used to go and then something happened when I was fifteen."

She looked down at her coffee cup. He reached over and took her hand. "You don't have to tell me."

"No, it's okay. I told Rossi. You guys are my family and I trust you. I know you won't judge me."

"I don't have the right to judge you, Emily. You were there for me when I needed someone to understand."

She rubbed his arm with her free hand and began her story. When she was finished, she looked up into his eyes. There was nothing there but compassion and understanding. She swallowed hard and tears that she could no longer control rolled down her cheeks. She curled into him and cried like a small child. He ordered himself not to panic, to just be there until she calmed.

It was several minutes later when she lifted her head and wiped at her eyes. "Sorry for crying."

"I'm not," he said. "I'm glad you came here."

"Me too. Thank you for listening."

"You're welcome."

"Reid, I'm sorry about Austin. I know I wasn't supportive and I know you liked her."

"Shh… It's okay. I have a confession to make."

She sat back and picked up her coffee cup. She looked at him with dark eyes that nearly made him reconsider his next words. "I did like Austin, but I keep wondering if it was just because she noticed me. She was the one that made the first move. She made me feel special and attractive."

"Spencer - I'm sorry I -"

"No," he held up a hand. "We danced around each other for months. I'm tired of that. I can blame you for not noticing me, but the truth is that I was too afraid to speak."

"I didn't make things easy for you," she argued. "We went out a couple of times, but I wanted to keep it light and easy because I was afraid of my feelings. I want to see where this goes, if you want to."

"Yeah," he agreed. "I do."

She leaned over and kissed him. Her lips felt like warm silk on his mouth. He couldn't breathe but it didn't matter because her hands were on his shoulders and her heat reached out for him to touch it. She pulled back and stared at him as they both tried to remember how to breathe.

"I think I should get dressed and go home."

"No," he said.

"Reid, if I stay here, well I think we'll move too fast."

"Yeah," he said. "I mean, I want to very much, but I don't want you to go. Your clothes are still wet, and you're upset. Stay here."

"Reid, I can't stay here."

"Yes. I'll sleep on the couch and you can sleep in my room."

"I can't do that Reid."

"Emily, you're upset."

"It's okay. I took a cab here and I can get one home."

"Alright," he said. "I'm going to be sorry I let you go without…"

"Don't tempt me," she said with a grin. "You're sweet, kind, gentle and hot. I better get dressed and get out of here before I lose my hold on my hormones."

"Emily"

"Sorry," but she didn't look sorry to him.

"What do we do now?"

"Why don't we just play it by ear and see what happens?"

"I don't know if I like that plan," he squeaked.

"I don't really like it either, but we already agreed that I have to go home."

His face was hot, and he ached to kiss her again, but he'd made a promise and he'd keep it, for now.

"Yes, we did agree to that, didn't we?"

He surprised himself by leaning over and kissing her again. She pulled away from him and her eyes were sparkling. "That's not helping."

"Sorry."

"I don't think you are, but we'll discuss that at a better time."

"I'm not afraid."

She grabbed her bag and smirked at him. "Don't get too confident, Reid. I'm highly trained and can take you down."

"Promise," he said cheekily.

She rolled her eyes. "I'll see you tomorrow, wise guy."


	33. Just The Way You Are

**_Disclaimer: see my profile_**

**_A/n this follows after "Omnivore."_**

**_Just The Way You Are_**

Emily watched Reid's hands as he contemplated his next move. His fingers rested lightly at either side of the chessboard. It was strange that they affected her to her core when utterly still. He studied the chess pieces as if they were warriors in a battle. She supposed they were, in a way.

"Are you going to make a move before I'm old and gray," she asked.

"Hm…"

"Spencer!"

"Don't rush me," he said without looking up.

"I've seen you blow through a game with your chess buddies in less time than it takes to brush your teeth. Why are you stalling?"

"Alright," he reached out for a knight and neatly captured one of her pawns. "Are you happy now?"

She looked up from staring at his hands as they moved the pieces on the board.

"I just wanna finish the game so we can have a quick walk around the park."

She took one of his pawns and he raised an eyebrow. "Better be careful, Prentiss."

"Very cute, just make your move."

He did and the next thing she knew she was checked. "Let's see you get out of that."

Two moves later, she was looking at checkmate. "Damn it," she complained. "I can't beat you at poker or chess."

"Then why do you keep coming back for more?"

His beautiful eyes were full of mischief. She smirked at him and barely resisted the urge to reach over and smack him.

"One of these days."

"I don't think so," he said airily.

"Come on; let's go for that walk before it gets dark."

CMCMCMCM

He bought them a couple of hotdogs from a vendor that looked reputable. "Thanks," she said around her dog. "I love hot dogs on a cold afternoon in the park."

He smiled at her but something had replaced the delight in his eyes. He seemed very thoughtful and worried.

"What are you thinking?"

"Just about the last case; I was wondering what he might do with Morgan's credentials."

She shivered as the wind blew through her hair. She chewed, swallowed and sighed. "There's nothing we can do about it."

"I just don't like the fact that he's out there somewhere. He stabbed himself so that no one would suspect him and he got a cop to stop hunting him. He scares me."

"Me too, but I don't want to talk about him, Spencer. I want to talk about us. It's been a couple of weeks since we kissed and nothing else has happened."

He stopped at a bench and sat down. She joined him and waited while he chewed on a bite of his hot dog. "I know, I've been thinking about it and I don't know what to do. I've never had a real girlfriend before, Emily. Austin doesn't count because we never really had anything but phone calls and me saving her life."

Emily nodded and slid over to be as close as she could to him. "I think we take it one step at a time. I don't want to pressure you or make you feel bad that you're not ready for certain steps. I just want to know where I stand."

He looked at her and smiled. "I love you, Emily. The last couple of weeks have been the best of my life. I just want to enjoy it for a little while. Is that okay?"

"Yeah," she took his arm after finishing her last bite. "I think that's just fine."

She put her head on his shoulder and watched a couple of kids playing with a soccer ball. Their mothers stood off to one side deep in conversation. The grass was yellowed from the cold, but spring was on the way. The sun was setting and she felt like everything was right with the world.

"That isn't to say," Reid said into her thoughts, "that I don't want us to be… together. I really do."

She waggled her eyebrows at him. "Why Spencer Reid, a girl could get the wrong idea the way you talk," she said in ridiculous southern accent.

"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn," he said in an equally bad southern accent.

She gave into the temptation to smack his arm and he grinned. "Scarlet O'Hara, I'm not," she reminded him.

"And, I'm not Rhett Butler," he reminded her.

"I don't want Rhett Butler. I'm not interested in the melancholy hero, or the flashy romantic. I love you, Spencer Reid."

He smiled again and it was brighter than the sun that was dying in the west.


	34. Never Give Up

**_Disclaimer: see my profile_**

**_A/n this follows after "Conflicted," another all time favorite of mine. _**

**_Never Give Up_**

The sun's rays shone like spun gold in a deep blue sky when she opened the access door to the roof and stepped through. She squinted against the brightness of the descending sun and looked around for him.

He stood with his back to the door, staring out at something that she couldn't see. His shoulders slumped and his hands were in his pockets. She called out to him and then froze, unable to continue.

He turned to her with an expression of pure misery, but what stole her breath and rendered her speechless, was the light around his head like a halo. He resembled a fallen angel, cast down and repentant but unable to find his way back to Heaven. His face glowed in the backlight of the last rays of sunset and his eyes shimmered.

"Emily," he finally said.

"Hey," she said unsteadily. "Morgan said you were up here. We gotta go."

"I know, I just can't make my feet take me back," he said and he smiled, but it was a terrible, cheerless smile.

She went to him and hugged him fiercely. His arms came around her and squeezed her so tight; she had to squirm to get free.

"None of this is your fault," she said.

"I had that same conversation with Morgan."

"He's right."

"Yeah, he's right."

"Oh, Reid, one of the things I love about you is the way you suffer for the victims and their killers. You're the most compassionate person I've ever had the privilege of knowing."

He bit his lip when it began to tremble. "You keep saying I take it all too personally."

"You do, and while I don't want you to change, I wish you didn't hurt so deeply for all the lost souls out there."

"I can't help it. Maybe I do because no one hurt for me when I was a kid."

"Babe," she began.

"It's okay," he hugged her again. "I've got you and for the first time in my life I feel like someone cares."

She reached up and tangled her hands in his hair. She pulled his head down and kissed him until she felt faint from lack of breath. He always tasted like coffee and it made her smile.

"What?"

"You taste like coffee."

"You taste like sunshine, and happiness," he said.

"See," she said breathlessly, "That's why I love you."

"I love you too."

"Come on. If we don't get moving, Hotch'll send someone up to get us."

CMCMCMCMCM

She was sitting on his couch when he opened the door after his trip back to Corpus Christie. She smiled and patted the sofa. "Sit down." He sat and she cuddled up to him. "How did it go?"

"She's still in control. She insists that Adam is better off, but I think I saw something in her eyes when I left that…"

"What did you see?"

"It's going to sound silly and arrogant."

She took his chin and made him face her with his chocolate eyes. "What happened?"

"She had fear in her eyes."

Emily smiled. "I don't blame her. How many people have underestimated you to their peril and sorrow?"

She could see he was struggling mightily not to smile. "I'm not intimidating."

She looked him up and down and he began to go pink in the cheeks. "You're not physically imposing, but there are times you can be very scary."

"You're just saying that."

Her eyes flashed and he flinched back a little. "I'm not just saying that, Dr. Reid. Amanda better watch out because you don't give up."

"No, I don't," he said and kissed her.

"You never gave up on me. Thank you."

"You're welcome. Now, I'm tired and I want Indian food."

She rolled her eyes. "How did I know you were going to say that?"

He hugged her tight and thought that poor souls like Adam and Tobias, and all the others, who'd allowed adversity to break them down, were the ones to be pitied. They'd never know a love like Emily Prentiss.


	35. A Man And His Car

**_Disclaimer: see my profile_**

**_A/n this follows after "Roadkill."_**

**_A Man and His Car _**

Emily looked at her watch for the sixth time in five minutes. Where was he? He was never late. Okay, there was that one time… She shook herself and went to the kitchen. She grabbed a beer from the fridge and began to pace. She looked at her watch again. He was twenty minutes late. Should she call him? No, she wouldn't panic and act like a paranoid girlfriend.

She looked at her watch again and jumped when a knock sounded at her door.

"Where the hell have you been?" She demanded of him when she yanked open the door.

"My car wouldn't start and -"

She pulled him inside and kissed him. He stumbled out of her grasp when she let him go and gasped, "Geez, Emily, what's the matter?"

"I was worried about you. You're never late."

"I'm okay."

"You didn't call."

"I didn't think about it."

They stood there staring at each other and suddenly she laughed. "I'm sorry. I've turned into a neurotic girlfriend. Come on in and sit down, I'll get you some coffee."

He didn't follow her and his forehead was furrowed in confusion. "Did you say girlfriend?"

She stopped dead in her tracks. "Yeah, I was thinking earlier that I needed to rein in my worst girlfriend instincts and then you knocked on the door. Is that okay with you?"

"Um, yeah, it's fine. I guess I'm just a little surprised. I've never had an actual girlfriend."

"Well, why don't you sit down and we'll talk about it."

She preceded him into the living area. He went to her couch and picked up the beer bottle from the coffee table. "Can I have one of these?"

"You want beer instead of coffee?"

"Yeah, it's been a heck of a day."

"It's Saturday, how bad could it be?"

He sat. "I'll tell you about after I get my beer."

She brought it to him without another word and he sat back. After a few sips, she reached over and grabbed his hand. "Are you going to tell me about your day?"

"I guess it wasn't really that bad. I woke up this morning and got into the shower. The water was ice cold."

She smirked at him and he rolled his eyes. "No, I didn't take a cold shower on purpose. The water heater was out. I had to call the Emergency Maintenance number for someone to fix it. The guy said the heater needed to be replaced and he wouldn't be able to get a new unit till Monday."

"You should have called me," she repeated.

"Why, it's inconvenient, but not a big deal."

"Like I said, I'm your girlfriend; you're supposed to lean on me."

He leaned over and kissed her softly. "I'm not used to having someone to lean on."

"Well, get used to it because I'm not going anywhere."

He took another swallow of his beer. "Thanks, you don't know how much that means to me."

"I think I have some idea."

They sat for a while, in a comfortable silence that was like a warm breeze on an early spring day.

"So," she said after another pull on her beer. "What happened to your car?"

"I went out to start it and nothing happened. The battery was dead."

"What did you do?"

"I called the auto club and they came out to fix it. I got the new battery and drove over here."

"Wait. If you had to wait for the auto club and then drive over here, why are you only twenty minutes late?"

He would not make eye contact with her until she tapped him on the shoulder. "Reid."

"I wanted to leave early and go to the mall."

"Why?"

He was adorably pink in the cheeks, and she could feel his hand trembling in her grasp. "I wanted to get you something."

"That's very sweet, babe, but why?"

"I just wanted to give you a present because I love you."

She put her beer bottle on the coffee table and cuddled up into his arms. "You don't have to get me gifts, Spencer."

"I know, but I wanted to because the last weeks have been so wonderful. I wanted to say thank you."

"You're so sweet, but I really mean it. You don't have to buy me presents."

"I was going to get you some chocolates form the Godiva store."

She sat up and almost knocked her head into his chin. "Really?"

"Yeah, they are the best."

"How am I supposed to take the high road and tell you that I don't need presents when you talk about Godiva chocolate?"

"I don't know," he shrugged.

She smacked him on the shoulder, "One of these days."

"You keep saying that," he reminded her. "You never follow through."

"I'm biding my time."

He grinned at her. "I'm not afraid."

"You should be, you don't call, you don't bring me chocolate and you still drive that old broken down car. You need a new vehicle."

"Why?"

"Because one of these days, you're going to get stranded somewhere."

"The car is fine. I have a great mechanic."

She just stared at him until he picked up his beer and took a couple of long, loud swallows.

"You can say that after today."

"It was just the battery, Emily."

"Oh, I give up."

She cuddled up to him again. He finished his beer and leaned in to kiss her. When they broke apart, she said. "What's on the agenda for tonight? You only told me that you wanted to see me."

"I do," he said and gave her a significant look.

"Are you sure?"

"If you're not mad at me for today."

"No, I'm not mad at you. I just wish you'd get a new car. It'd be safer."

"I really don't need a new car, Emily. It serves me just fine. If I'm okay with it, then you should be okay too."

She frowned and then shook her head. "I guess I should be happy you don't drive some fancy car or huge truck like some guys."

His eyebrows went up, and then he smirked at her. "No, I don't need a fancy car."

"What are you so smug about?"

"I was just thinking of our last case."

"The unsub that killed with his truck?"

"Yeah."

"What about it?" This time she wouldn't make eye contact with him.

"Just thinking about what you said about men and their cars."

She pulled away from him and crossed her arms over her chest. "What about it?" She repeated impatiently.

"You and JJ made the case that big cars are phallic and you're right."

"So you're saying that since you don't have a big car, you don't have anything to… compensate for," she quipped.

"No," he said and suddenly he seemed to have the upper hand as her heart began to pound in her chest. She started to feel very light headed as he watched her with eyes that weren't innocent anymore.

He reached out and touched her cheek with one long finger. She closed her eyes and after a long minute, his lips touched her mouth. She wound her hands around his neck and pulled him close. His hands slid around her shoulders and seemed to burn into her skin despite the thin blouse she wore.

She pulled away, and panted for breath like a swimmer at the end of a long endurance race. "Spencer?"

"Shh… It's okay."

His hands cupped her face and kissed her again. His lips didn't stay on her mouth, but moved to her neck. Tingles began in her stomach and burst into flame when his hands moved to her torso and found their way under her shirt. She gasped and groaned at the touch of his warm fingers on her skin. She barely realized it when he pulled her shirt over her head and tossed it to the floor. His long fingers pushed the straps of her bra down as he kissed her shoulder.

"Spencer," she breathed and applied her mouth to his neck.

Her phone rang and she swore loudly. "That's my work phone."

"Damn it," he said and she laughed.

His phone began to ring too. "I guess it's back to work. Must be important on a Saturday."

She answered the phone and tried to pull her clothes back into place at the same time. It was a case, and urgent. She sighed, told JJ she'd be in the office in an hour.

"Well, that was… unfortunate," she said to Reid after he finished his conversation with Hotch.

He blushed and fidgeted with the sleeve of his shirt. "Yeah."

"I guess I'll have to wait to find out."

"Find out about what," he wondered.

"If my theory about men and their cars is right."


	36. Anthrax And Soap Operas

**_Disclaimer: see my profile_**

**_A/n this follows "Amplification," another of my favorites. _**

**_Anthrax And Soap Operas_**

The only light in his room when she entered was a soft yellow light over his head. His eyes were closed and he appeared to be sleeping peacefully. She sat down in the only available chair and reached for one of his hands. The tears she'd held back by force of will began to drop down over her cheeks. She wiped at them impatiently and tried to talk.

"Hey," she croaked and cleared her throat. "It's Emily. I'm here."

His long wavy hair was mussed and he had a day's growth of beard, but he was still angelic as he lay there… Alive. He was alive and Morgan said he'd make a full recovery.

"Why?" She whispered. "Why did you go in that place? You scared the hell out of us. Out of me. I love you, babe, so much that it terrifies me."

She couldn't speak, it was too much so she pulled the chair in as close as she could to the hospital bed and lay her head down next to his shoulder and sobbed.

Someone cleared their throat behind her and she jumped up into a sitting position. She hastily wiped her eyes and turned around.

"I'm sorry to bother you," said Dr. Linda Kimura.

"It's okay," Emily said. "You probably need to check on him. I'll just wait outside."

"Hey," Dr Kimura held up a hand when Emily stood. "I didn't mean to intrude."

"It's okay, it's just…Damn it!" She swiped at her eyes.

"Please don't apologize or feel embarrassed. It's good that he has someone to love him."

Emily noticed that Dr. Kimura looked at Reid with interest, speculation and something that Emily had seen in her own mirror. Then the doctor looked at her with eyes held nothing but understanding.

"I do love him. Thank you for taking good care of him."

"He's the one that found the cure. I just made sure he stayed in bed. He wanted to get up as soon as he was awake and now I know why."

Emily swallowed hard. "Um, I'm going to go splash some water on my face. I'll be back."

"He's going to be okay," said Dr. Kimura.

"I know, it's just…"

"You're a very lucky woman."

"Yes I am and I'm going to make sure he knows it from now on."

She fled the room and hurried to the closest bathroom where she leaned against the wall and cried until her chest hurt. Someone opened the door so she turned to the mirror and ran out cold water to cool her cheeks. Her eyes were red and her face was very pale.

"Get it together," she said under her breath. "Do you want him to see you this way?"

No, she wanted to see him up and out of that bed. She wanted to see him smile for her. She wanted to hear him go off on some odd tangent about hospitals and doctors. She wanted to hold him and know that he was okay.

A woman came out of one of the stalls and smiled. "Don't you just hate hospitals?"

"Yeah, I think I really do."

CMCMCMCMCM

As soon as the door to Reid's apartment shut behind her, he grabbed her and kissed her. Her back hit the closed door and he had her jacket open and three of her buttons undone before she pushed him away.

"What?"

"Don't start, mister. You are going straight to bed."

He raised both eyebrows and pouted at the same time. His hair, a bit mussed from her traitor hands and his clothes were a little askew. How did that happen? She didn't remember responding with such enthusiasm.

"That's the idea," he was saying.

"Very funny, smart man. You are going to bed alone."

"Emily."

"No!"

He flinched in surprise at her vehemence." Emily, I'm sorry I just -"

"You walked right into a house with a broken vial of Anthrax on the floor. What is the matter with you?"

"I wanted to help Dr. Brown and -"

She waved him away. "I don't want to hear it, Spencer. You could have died."

"But I didn't," he reminded her.

"So, that makes it all better."

"No, I guess I wasn't thinking."

"You're damn right, you weren't thinking. What if I lost you? How could I live with that? I love you, Spencer Reid."

He went to her, but she pushed him away. "Don't," she said very loudly. "I can't believe you just said you weren't thinking."

"I didn't think. I'm not used to considering someone else's feelings, Emily."

He went to the sofa and sat. She didn't join him for a long time. He finally twisted around and held out his hand to her. "I'm sorry."

She didn't take his offered hand. "I know you are," she said in a tone that signaled surrender, "I don't know what I'm going to do with you. You make me so mad."

"I'm not trying to hurt you," he said.

She finally joined him on the couch. "I realize that you want to help people."

"I just -"

"Shh… Please let me finish."

He nodded and began fidgeting with his sleeve. She grabbed his hand and made him look at her. "I know you want to help because no one was there for you when you needed someone, but babe, you have to think about us. I'm here. I love you and I want you healthy and happy with me. Don't let the job tear us apart."

"I really am sorry, Emily. I'm not used to having someone in my life that cares whether I live or die."

"Oh, Spencer, I'm so sorry you had to be alone for so long, but I'm here now. Please remember that the next time you want to run into danger."

He finally laughed. "If you promise the same," he said.

"When have I ever run into danger?"

"Shall I write down the list or give it to you verbally?"

"That's very cute. Now, go to bed."

"Please come with me."

"No, the doctor said you have to take it easy."

He sighed, "I know, it's just that every time we get close something happens to interrupt us. I feel like I'm on a Daytime Television Serial."

She laughed and it felt so good. "Oh, Reid, you never fail to make me laugh just when I need it the most."

"I was serious," he said and began to pout.

"Come on," she tugged on his arm. "Go to bed like a good boy and I'll see you tomorrow."

"You don't have to patronize me."

"I do when you pout, even though it's pretty sexy."

He wiggled his eyebrows and she laughed. "For the last time, there will be no shenanigans tonight."

"Fine, I'll go to bed, but I'll miss you."

She kissed him. "I'm just glad you're around to miss me."

"Me too," he said honestly.

"Good, because I want you around for a very long time."


	37. Attitude Is Everything

_**Disclaimer: see my profile**_

_**A/n this follows after To Hell... and back. **_

_**Attitude Is Everything **_

Emily decided her new favorite thing was listening to Reid's heartbeat. Lying there in the early morning with her head on, his chest while he slept went to the top of her favorite things to do list. It was hypnotic to hear the magic sound that meant he was there with her, in her arms, her lover, her friend, her man.

"Hey," she heard him say sleepily. "What time is it?"

She looked over at her digital clock. "It's a little after six."

"Hmm…" he murmured and kissed the top of her head

She pulled herself up and kissed his mouth. "Last night was wonderful."

"Thanks for putting up with my lack of experience," he said.

She kissed his cheek. "Do you hear me complaining at all?"

"Well it was hardly romantic. We had that horrible case in Canada and -"

She put a finger to his lips. "Please don't ruin it by telling me it was only a stress release response. Even if it was, I don't want to remember it that way. This has been a long time coming."

He wiggled his eyebrows at her.

"No pun intended," she laughed.

"I just wanted it to be perfect. I love you, Emily."

"It was perfect."

He nodded and hugged her tight. "I can't believe you're really here with me. I feel like it's a wonderful dream that's going to end at any minute."

"No," she began to stroke her fingers through his hair. "It's not going to end and it's not a dream. It's real, I'm here and I love you so much it hurts."

He kissed her shoulder and little tingles began again in her stomach. "I don't know how I lived before I met you."

She let him roll her over on her back. "Spencer?"

"Don't," he said and his eyes were so full of love for her she almost couldn't bear it. "Just let me love you."

Later, she resumed listening to his heart, as it slowed from a frantic pace, to the slow, gentle rhythm she loved. In the middle of just being there with him and relishing his fingers stroking her bare back, his phone rang.

"Damn it," she cursed. "What now?"

"It's JJ, we have a case," he said when he ended the call.

Her phone began to ring as she slid out of bed and reached for her ratty old robe.

"I guess we better get going."

"Want to share the shower?"

She narrowed her eyes at him. He looked so innocent but there was a wild man lurking beneath all that innocence and she had the feeling she'd just tapped the surface and that was just a little scary.

"Alright," she agreed. "We'll have to make it fast or we'll be late."

"What the lady wants, the lady gets," he said.

She pulled him in for another tight hug.

"What is it?"

"I just want you to know I love you."

"I know you do, Emily. Come on, we'll be late and you don't want to explain to Hotch if we are."

"You're right," she said and lightly punched him in the shoulder. "This is going to be a much better day, than yesterday."

"Studies have shown that attitude is the biggest factor in how we perceive the success of our day. For instance, if you think your day is going to go badly then it will. It's all self-fulfilling prophecy."

"I think if you go turn on the shower and warm up the water for me, you'll have a very good beginning to your day."

"You can never discount the power of outside influences," he said.

She smirked. "Just go get the water warm."

She watched him walk away and thought that this was the beginning of a very beautiful day.


	38. He Should Have Stock In Hospitals

**_Disclaimer: see my profile_**

**_A/n this follows Nameless, Faceless_**

**_He Should Have Stock In Hospitals_**

Reid's eyes were closed, when Emily looked up from her book. She glanced out the window and saw that it was dark outside. Her back ached from sitting for so long, she was thirsty and hungry but she couldn't seem to leave.

"Hey," he said softly. "Why did you stop?" His beautiful eyes sent her heart pounding.

"I'm tired."

He smiled. "I can see that you are. You don't have to entertain me. I'm all right. Please go home."

She picked up his right hand and held it tight. "Even though you scared the hell out of me for the second time in less than two months, I'm so proud of you. You saved two lives today."

He stared up at her. "I didn't, you're the ones that kept his son safe."

"I'm not talking about him, I mean the shooter."

"I shot him, Emily. I could have killed him."

"You did what you had to do. If you hadn't pulled that trigger, he would have killed both of you. You saved him so that maybe one day he can learn to live with his loss instead of being consumed by it."

"Do you think that will happen?"

She reached over and smoothed back his hair. "You taught me to have hope, Spencer, so yes I think it can."

"I love you," he said. "I'm so glad you're here and safe. I can't imagine what Hotch is feeling. If you had to go away like Haley, I'd die."

"Don't say that! It's never going to happen." She leaned in and kissed him. "I'm here to stay."

"Not right now you're not, go home," he ordered.

"I'm going," she said and picked up the book.

"Thanks for sticking around and reading to me. It was soothing."

"You're welcome. Get some sleep."

"Emily?"

"Yeah…"

"About last night."

"What about it?"

He went very pink in the cheeks. "It was the best night of my life even if we didn't get any sleep."

She smirked at him and he laughed. "You better hang on to the memory because no more sex for you until your knee is better."

The horrified expression on his face was priceless. "Emily!"

"I'm serious, Spencer. You're going to do everything the doctor says because I want you healed and able to run on that knee."

"Why?"

Now he was completely perplexed which was incredibly sexy and almost made her reconsider. "You got yourself shot and you were exposed to a fatal disease in the space of a few weeks. Remember when you said I had carte blanche to punish you."

His eyes widened. "Emily."

"You should have thought about that before you nearly got killed, twice."

"Emily!"

She left the room because she had to laugh and the laughter was better than tears, any day.


	39. Creative Positions

**_Disclaimer: see my profile_**

**_Creative Positions_**

The rattle of a key in his door and the slight creak of the hinges didn't rouse Reid from his concentration at the chessboard. He seemed to be stuck in his own world, a world that had once seemed so far away to Emily. It took effort to break into that world, but unlike so many he encountered she didn't shy away from hard work. The reward was greater than anything she'd ever known and she thanked God, the stars, or whatever made the cosmos spin, that she'd had the opportunity to know a man like Spencer Reid.

"Hey," she said after dropping her bag on his couch.

He moved a rook with long, supple fingers that knew without asking how to make a woman moan. She looked away from his fingers to the game because a month had passed since his shooting and that was a long time to go without those fingers on her skin.

"Spencer," she nudged his shoulder.

"Oh, hi," he squeaked. "Sorry, I didn't hear you."

"I noticed. Perhaps I'm losing my appeal."

She sat across from him and watched as he rubbed at his propped up knee. "I hate this," he complained. "I'm tired of these," he inclined his head to his crutches. Most of all, I hate that I can't get close to you. I miss you."

"Does that mean I haven't lost my appeal?"

He frowned and she tried not to smile. "I love you so much," he said. "I want to show you."

"Don't you think I feel the same way?" She sighed.

"Can we talk about something else?"

She moved a knight, after studying the game they had started three days ago. "I think that's a great idea."

"What do you think of Hotch coming back to work?"

She watched him move a knight and take one of her pawns. She narrowed her eyes and he smirked at her. She resisted the urge to stick out her tongue because he'd only laugh.

"I think no one tells Hotch what to do. Remember the SUV explosion in New York? I think he should have stayed home longer than he did, but he was determined. Actually, he reminds me of someone else I know."

She picked up her rook and took one of Spencer's pawns. "Ha," she said.

"Who?"

"Who?" She repeated.

"You said he reminds you of someone."

His eyes were so clueless; she ground her teeth in irritation and hissed under her breath when he said. "Check," after his next move.

"You," she said.

"Me?"

"Yeah, you're one of the most stubborn people I know."

He sat back and crossed his arms over his chest. "How do you figure that?"

"Excuse me; you're the one that runs toward danger on a regular basis. You hand me your weapon and walk unarmed toward a man with a gun, then you stand in front of him so we can't shoot."

"Alright, I get you're point. I don't see what this has to do with Hotch."

"I'm just sayin," she said and tried to pull her butt out of the fire with what she thought was a clever move, but Spencer picked up a rook and smiled widely. "Check mate," he said.

"Damn it."

He laughed. "You should know better then to try and distract me."

"Ha, ha," she huffed.

"Anyway, I think Hotch is fine. He's knows not to push too hard."

"I think you're fooling yourself, but we'll have to wait and see."

Reid picked up his crutches and struggled out of his chair. "Why don't we order something to eat? I'm hungry, my leg hurts and I need food to take more pills."

"That's fine with me," she said. "Just remember that one day, I will beat you at chess and poker, and then you'll be sorry."

He sniggered. "I'm not worried."

"The only reason I haven't taken you down, is your leg. It wouldn't be a fair fight."

"Strangely, I'm aroused rather than scared," he said.

"Stop it!"

"Right, sorry," he didn't look sorry so she glared at him.

"You don't look sorry."

"Come on, Emily. My knee doesn't work, but my -"

She pushed her hand over his mouth. "Don't say it."

"It's true. If you're on top, I'll be fine."

"That's very funny," she said. "Why don't you sit and cool down. I'm getting dinner and we'll relax."

"That's what I'm saying," he argued.

"I'll make you a deal. We have dinner and you stay off your leg and I might think about creative positions."

"I have several in mind," Spencer said seriously.

"Since when, we've only had sex once" she reminded him.

"Twice that night," he reminded her.

"I remember," she said irritably.

"The point being that I've done a lot of research. I was curious," he squeaked.

She reached up and stroked her fingers through his hair. He closed his eyes and shuddered. She kissed him and one of his crutches crashed to the floor.

"Emily," he groaned.

She let go of him, picked up his crutch and handed it to him. "I can't wait to take advantage of your research, but not until you're well. Sit down and I will order dinner.


	40. All Wounds Heal

**_Disclaimer: see my profile_**

**_All Wounds Heal_**

Emily sighed as she surveyed Reid's refrigerator. She'd never seen so many containers of left over take out. The good news seemed to be that nothing smelled like it was going bad, but she refused to open them and find out. He didn't have anything to drink other than coffee and water, she noticed. Oh well, she put her hand on a bottle of water and jumped when he spoke behind her.

"Emily."

" Geez… Spencer."

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you."

He was so adorable, leaning on his crutches. She couldn't decide why - was it his eyes, or the fact that he resembled a wounded bird?

"Why are you hopping around? I thought you were in the middle of writing that paper for American Psychology Magazine."

"I was, but I have a little writers' block."

"That's a surprise. I thought you had it all worked out in your head."

"I did, but my plan isn't working out the way I thought."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Since when do you suffer from writers' block?"

He sat heavily on one of the chairs at his kitchen table and groaned. She watched him rub at his leg with one hand. She pursed her lips together so she didn't comment.

"Just because I'm a genius, doesn't mean I never have writers' block."

"When was the last time you took your medication?"

"It's been about three hours. It doesn't matter anyway. That stuff doesn't really help. I need something narcotic, but I can't have it, so there's no use in complaining."

"How long has it been since you went to a meeting?"

"A couple of days, I don't know."

"It's been more like seven days."

He refused to meet her eyes. His hand rubbed his bad knee absently and he frowned. "Are you keeping track of me now?"

"No, I'm concerned about you. You always find time for a meeting. What's wrong?"

"Why should there be anything wrong?" He snapped. "I've had worse wounds. I should count myself lucky that I didn't get tortured or killed."

"You're right. You weren't tortured or killed this time, but you are talking about wanting narcotics. Do you know what that sounds like to me?"

"Emily, despite what you think, I'm not immune to doubt. If there's one thing BCC has taught me, is that, I have to be honest with my feelings and myself. If I walk around with some Polly Anna attitude that life is all roses and that just because I have this," he pulled his medallion from his pocket and began to make it dance in his fingers," that I'll never want Dilaudid or narcotics.

The coin fell from his fingers and rolled across the floor to Emily's feet. She picked it up and turned it over in her hand. "I know what this means to you. I know it reminds you of everything you could lose if you give in to your addiction. I see the strength it gives you."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I believe in you. You know that, right?"

He nodded and she saw that he didn't rub at his knee anymore.

"I'm not sure why I said that."

She only stared at him and he smiled, "About the narcotics."

"You said it because you weren't thinking about it first. As you said, honesty is most important in recovery. Don't stop now."

He laughed a little and then grimaced. "Sometimes I feel so angry inside."

"Why, baby?"

"Because I wasn't strong enough not to become addicted."

"Spencer, you were forcibly addicted. You didn't have a choice."

"I should have been stronger, or -"

"You listen to me," she snapped. "Tobias Henkel gave you Dilaudid against your will. He beat you, and psychologically tortured you. You were vulnerable. It wasn't your fault."

"I know that but -"

"If you know it, and if you've been sober for over a year, why do you doubt now?"

"Because my knee hurts like a rotten tooth all day long, every day. Some nights I can't sleep! I just want the pain to go away."

"It will get better, Spencer."

"How do you know? Were you shot in the knee?"

"No, but all wounds do heal."

He bowed his head. "Yeah, you're right. I'm just tired of these," he pushed the crutches away.

"I think I have something in mind that will cheer you up."

"Emily."

"Stay there. I was saving it for your birthday, but you need it now."

"But -"

"Shh… just stay there."

He stayed there because getting up meant more pain than he could face now. Luckily, he didn't have to wait long. Emily returned with something in her hands. It was a box.

"I don't understand."

"Open it."

He opened it and found a chess set. The pieces were all alabaster and soapstone, and the board was an antique, with beautiful carvings around the edges. "Wow, this is great. Where did you get it?"

"Now that would be telling. Why don't you set it up and we'll play a game?"

He put it aside and pulled her to him. "Thank you."

She leaned down and kissed him until he forgot about the pain in his leg.

"You're welcome, now set it up because this time, I'm going to win."


	41. Hold Me Close

**_Disclaimer: see my profile_**

**_A/n this is right after "Outfoxed."_**

**_Hold Me Close_**

Reid limped out of the elevator at Emily's apartment and straight down the hallway to her door. He frowned as he studied it. She'd been very quiet after their last case. He didn't like it when she didn't smile or talk to him when they were stuck with paperwork after a case.

"Might as well knock, since you're here," he said to no one in particular.

He knocked and waited. She didn't answer, so he knocked again. When she didn't acknowledge his fist on her door, he pulled out his key from his pocket and unlocked the door.

"Emily," he called as he realized the lights were off.

He punched in the code for the security system and turned on the lights. He'd never been in here without her, and maybe she'd be mad if he stayed.

"She gave you a key…Why would she do that and then get mad when you use it?"

He decided to go to the living room. Maybe she was there, but sitting in the dark.

"Emily," he called again and limped forward.

"Spencer?" He jumped a little when she got to her feet and hurried to him. "I was just thinking about you. I was going to call and -"

She grabbed his face in her hands and kissed him until he nearly fell despite the crutch.

"Wow, um Emily -"

She tugged him close as he pushed against her. "Emily, what's wrong?"

"I need you. I feel so dirty."

"Emily," he squeaked as she took his crutch and let it fall to the ground. "You said we had to wait until my leg is better."

"Shut up and kiss me."

CMCMCMCMCMCMCMCM

He stretched out on her couch and stared at the lone candle fluttering on the coffee table. Emily curled up on his chest and hugged him so tight he squirmed.

"What's wrong?" He asked again for the fifth time since they'd made love.

She drew in a deep breath and touched his face with her hand. Her beautiful dark eyes were full of disgust and anger, but her hand was soft on his skin.

"I can see you're upset. You just broke your rule to wait for me to heal. Why? Talk to me!"

"It was The Fox."

"Oh."

"Yeah, oh, I thought I could handle it. Hotch thought I could and that gave me self-assurance, but when I got there -"

"It was different."

"Yeah. I mean, I've done dozens of custodials in the last couple of years. It's not like I couldn't handle talking to another serial killer."

"What happened?"

"He was so ordinary, and yet there was something in his eyes."

She got off him and reached for his shirt. She buttoned it on while he pulled on his boxers. He groaned when he straightened out his bad leg.

"Oh, god, I'm sorry, Spencer."

"Don't worry about me. Just tell me what happened."

She sat and put her head on his shoulder. "I had to flirt with him, Spencer."

He nodded. "I'd wondered if you'd have to, when Hotch decided to take you to the Super Max."

"You did? Why didn't you warn me?"

He took her hand and held it tight. "Because it's something you had to do. I don't think less of you and I still love you very much."

Tears gathered in the corner of her eyes, but she cleared her throat before she could give voice to them. "How did you know that's what I was thinking?"

He simply lifted his eyebrows and grinned at her.

"Right," she said and rubbed his arm.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to overstep, but you were so unhappy."

"I'm alright," she said and yawned. "Right now, I'm just really wiped out. Thanks for helping me feel better."

"Oh that was entirely my pleasure," he smirked.

She stopped rubbing his arm and smacked it instead. "Watch it!"

He kissed her. "Why don't we just stay here on the couch and watch a movie."

"After I take a quick shower and make some coco."

"I'm hungry," Reid, pouted.

"Then order some food."

He stopped her when she began to take off his shirt. "Are you okay?" He stroked her hair back from her face.

"I'm great, thanks to you. You always know exactly what I need. How do you do it?"

"I'm good," he said proudly.

"Not funny," she responded and then she kissed him.

"I think it's very funny."

She hugged him tight. "I really don't know what I'd do without you, baby."

"Let's not talk about something that's never going to happen."

"Then take your shirt and get us some food so we can relax."

He kissed her and picked up his crutch. "Thanks for making me forget about my leg for a little while."

She laughed. "You're welcome."


	42. Check

**_Disclaimer: seem my profile_**

**_Check_**

Emily studied the chessboard separating her from Spencer. She tried not to smile, but the elation at finally obtaining the upper hand over him was too great to contain. Luckily, he didn't look up from staring at the board. A frown creased his brow and his fingers tensed nervously as they hovered over the game. He made his move and Emily pounced.

"Check," she crowed triumphantly and moved her rook.

"What? How?"

"You tell me."

He stared down at the board with amazement and chagrin. "Checkmate in four," he said slowly.

"Yes!" She punched her fist in the air.

He slowly lifted his head and peered at her from eyes that overwhelmed her with their beauty and endless depths.

"Finally," she said and almost laughed at the utter surprise in his eyes.

"I…" He went silent and looked back at the game.

His eyes flicked back to her and she sighed. "How am I supposed to be happy about beating you when I know you weren't concentrating?

"How do you know?"

"I can see it in your eyes. I tried to ignore it and tell myself I beat you honestly, but your heart isn't in the game.

He sat back and stretched out his bad leg. "No, I wasn't concentrating."

"You're thinking about Hotch and Haley."

"Yeah… It's not right."

She stood up and held out her hand. He took it and got to his feet. He groaned as she led him to the couch. She sat but he stood for a minute and stared down at her.

"What's wrong?"

"It just isn't right," he repeated. I know Hotch still loved her. Someone like Foyet comes along and kills her after making Hotch suffer in the cruelest manner possible."

"Sit," she commanded. He sat and she reached for his hand. "What happened to Hotch was unimaginable."

"How can anyone survive losing the person they love like that?"

She reached out and turned his head to face her. "What's really bothering you?"

"I just feel badly for him."

"Spencer."

"I'm afraid…" He finally admitted. "What if something happens to you?"

"Nothing like that is going to happen to me."

"You don't know that," his voice began to rise. "The odds -"

She shushed him with a finger to his mouth. "I don't want to hear the odds, baby.

"But -"

"No," she said firmly. "I want to spend every minute I can with you. I don't want to think about what could happen."

"It's better to be prepared because -"

"And, too much negativity can paralyze," she interrupted quietly.

He finally smiled. "Alright, I'll stop thinking about the odds."

She stared at him. "I don't believe what I just heard. You're going to stop thinking about odds."

He laughed and it was music to her ears. "Yeah… I think I can manage it. For a little while," he added with a smirk.

"I'm glad because you and I are going to have a rematch. I want to beat you when your head's in the game."

"What do I get when I beat you?" He wondered.

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Confidence is attractive, Dr. Reid, but arrogance is irritating."

He smirked again. "It's not arrogance if you're stating the facts."

"One of these days…"

"How often are you going to say that before you never follow through on the threat?"

She pointed at the chessboard. "Get your cute ass over there and set up the game. You're going down."


	43. Checkmate

**_Disclaimer: see my profile_**

**_A/n this takes place after Uncanny Valley and right before Reid goes back to the park to play chess with Eric._**

**_Checkmate_**

Emily lay face down on Reid's bed with her arms crossed under her chin. She closed her eyes and sighed as long fingered hands massaged her bare shoulders and glided down over her back.

"How much longer do I have to do this?"

She smirked and reached for a Godiva chocolate truffle from a box on the night table. She unwrapped it and popped it into her mouth. They were glorious and oh-so bad for her diet, but she didn't care.

"Emily."

"Until I say so, remember?"

"This isn't what I agreed to."

"This is my prize, Spencer. We have a deal."

"Yeah, I suppose we do."

He shifted and his hands slid down to her backside and she shivered. His hands were so warm and soft on her skin. Tingles filled her belly and sent goose pimples rushing over her arms and legs.

"Hey," she said.

"What."

"Thank you."

He moved again and suddenly his lips were on her neck and then her ear lobe. "You're welcome."

She turned under him and wrapped her arms around his neck. His long hair tickled her cheeks and she laughed. His mouth sought her lips. She opened and his tongue found its favorite place.

"Ooo…" she sighed when he let her breathe. "That was fantastic."

"Thank you."

"Now," she reached for his zipper and pulled it down. "I want to collect on the remainder of my winnings."

CMCMCMCMCM

He pulled on his shirt, tucked it into his pants while Emily lay on her side, and watched him dress. "Where are you going?"

"I have an appointment I need to get to."

"I got that," she said and frowned. "It's not like you to wham, bam, thank you ma'am and leave."

He rolled his eyes at her. "I'm sorry. I really wanna stay with you, but there's something I have to do."

"Are you going to tell me, or is it a secret?"

"It's not a secret. I'm going to the park."

"Oh, I assume you're off to play chess with Eric."

He stopped adjusting his tie and shrugged, "If he's there. If not, then I guess I'll come back here."

"He'll be there. You know it, or you wouldn't be in such a hurry."

He sat down and leaned over to kiss her. "Are you mad at me?"

"No, of course not, I thought you were mad at me."

"Why would I be angry with you?"

"Because I finally beat you at chess and made you give me a massage," she reminded him.

"It's just a game, Emily."

She stared at him as he fidgeted with the end of his tie. "Come on, Spencer, chess is not just a game to you."

"You're right; it's not just a game to me. It's something that I once enjoyed with Gideon. It's a way to challenge my mind and it helps me with my job."

"I think I understand," she said and stroked her hand through his hair.

"Do you?"

"Yeah, and I love you for it."

"You do?"

She reached for him and kissed him until he felt weak and tingly from head to foot. "Wow," he said after she released his lips.

"I know you're in a hurry, but I have something to say to you."

"What?" He brushed her hair back from her face with gentle fingers that made her shiver.

"Rossi told me what happened with Samantha and her so-called father and how you were with her at the house."

"Oh, well I couldn't let them just put the cuffs on her like a common criminal. She was a victim too. Her dad treated her like a plaything and made her feel less than human.

"You're the sweetest, kindest, most compassionate person I've ever known."

She kissed him again, and then giggled and pushed him away when his hands began to move down her body. "Down, boy." she said.

"Emily."

"Go, play chess with Eric. Try not to take it so seriously and have fun for a change."

He laughed. "I will."

"I love you so much, Spencer."

"Love you too."

She turned over to her back and pulled the sheet up over her chest. "I think I'll take a nap while you're gone."

"Then we can have another game," he wondered hopefully.

She winked at him. "If you think you can handle losing again."

"Not going to happen," he said loftily.

"We'll see."

"Yes, we will see."


	44. Puzzle Box

**_Disclaimer: see my profile_**

**_A/n this follows after "Risky Business."_**

**_Puzzle Box_**

Emily took her fresh cup of steaming hot chocolate to the sofa and curled up with her favorite knitted throw. Garcia had made if for her last birthday. It was a riot of bright colors and made the winter day seem warm, sunny, instead of grey, and ugly. As she sipped at the cocoa, snow began to spiral down from the sky.

A light tap at her door made her smile. Spencer was the only one in her life that tapped on a door instead of knocking.

She opened the door to find him there with a gift bag in his hands and an expression of confusion and expectation on his face.

"Hello there, handsome."

"Hi," he gave her a little wave and then a kiss on the cheek.

"Come on in," she led him to the living room. "I made hot chocolate. Would you like some?"

"Ah, sure."

He sat on the sofa with one leg crossed over the other when she returned with a cup.

"Thanks," he said and sipped it carefully. "This is great. What's in it?"

"Can't say, secret family recipe," she replied.

She curled up next to him. They were quiet for a very long time. The snow outside continued to dust the ground like sugar on a cake.

"I'm glad you dropped by. I thought you'd be mad at me."

"Why?"

"What I said about things to hate about you. I'm sorry, I let that puzzle and your logic irritate me.

"It's okay Emily. I know you didn't mean you hate me."

"Still, I'm so sorry. It was rude and thoughtless."

"I'm fine, Emily, really."

"Are you sure?"

He hugged her tight. "I really am fine. In fact, I have a gift for you."

She pulled away and gave him a mock stern look. "I told you, I don't need gifts, baby."

"I think you're going to like this one."

His eyes resembled an excited child, so she held out her hand. "Okay, give me the present."

He handed her the bag and she pulled out the silver tissue paper that hid a small box

She opened it and let an oval shaped wooden box fall into her hands. On the top, she noticed two triangles like arrowheads on either side of a circle. Inside the circle resided another triangle made of three different colors: cream, brown and red-brown.

"So," Reid said excitedly. "What do you think?"

"Um, it's beautiful, baby, but -"

His face fell. "What's wrong?"

"What is it?"

"It's a puzzle that opens into a jewelry box."

"How do you open it?"

His eyes began to sparkle mischievously. "There are instructions, but I decided you're brilliant enough to figure it out on your own."

"Really? Are you sure that's all or are you after revenge?"

"Yes," he admitted and now his eyes were devious.

"I assume there's no story behind this," she held up the box.

"Nope."

"Don't get too comfortable over there," she advised him. "I'm going to figure it out."

"There's a surprise inside," he informed her.

"Then I better get to work."

Half an hour passed before she found the right combination to open the box. One of the arrows began to turn and she fought not to crow in happiness. Her thumb made one of the raised triangles move and before she could speak, it transformed the arrows and the triangle to a star.

"Oh wow," she said wonderingly as the box opened. "This is like magic."

Reid grinned at her with eyes that were like chocolate stars. "I thought it was appropriate."

"It is," she enthused.

"Look inside," he urged and she could see that his hands were trembling.

Inside, she found a silver chain with a silver jigsaw puzzle piece. She picked it up and let it dangle from her fingers. As it turned in circle, she noticed her name engraved on the front.

"Oh baby, it's beautiful. Thank you so much."

She held it out to him. "Please help me put it on."

He took the chain and put it around her neck while she held her hair out of the way. "How does it look?"

"It's wonderful. I love seeing it on you."

She put her arms around his neck and kissed him. "Just when I thought you couldn't top all the special things you've done for me, you surprise me again."

"I knew you you'd figure it out."

"I am curious about one thing," she said as she fingered the puzzle piece. "Why a jigsaw puzzle piece?"

He went a little pink in the cheeks. "You know I love puzzles," he explained and she nodded. "You'll always be a mystery to me… one I love trying to solve."

"That's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me." She cuddled up to him and hugged him tight around the middle. "I was wrong on the plane."

"Were you?"

"Yeah, there's a lot to love about you, Dr. Reid."


	45. Secrets

**_Disclaimer: see my profile_**

**_A/n This follows after "Parasite."_**

**_Secrets_**

"Wow, its cold out there," Emily, observed as she followed Reid into his apartment.

"Actually, the average winter temperature, year to date, is about .75 degrees higher than this time last year."

Emily stopped stamping her feet and taking off her coat to glare at him. "Hm, less than one degree, that's makes all the difference."

"Sorry, just trying to be positive."

"Less than a degree increase doesn't float my boat, Spencer."

"Why don't I make some coffee? That'll warm us." He was in the middle of putting some wonderfully aromatic Indian food on his kitchen table

She pulled off her boots and left her bag near the door. "I can think of something else to warm us."

He tugged her close and kissed her. "Something like that?"

"That'll do for starters."

"Come on," he pulled on her hand. "I need coffee and I'm starving."

"You're rejecting me for food."

"I wouldn't dare," he said and grinned at her. "I'm merely thinking of your well being, physically and mentally. Low blood sugar can result in fatigue, headaches and irritability."

"Ha," she laughed, "Not funny, Spencer."

"Then let's have some of that delicious smelling food."

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"You're awfully quiet," Spencer said half an hour later. "Are you mad because I wanted food before sex?"

"No. I was just thinking about our case."

"What about it?"

"Was it just greed, or protecting his real identity, or just that he was a psychopath that made him take on ten different identities. Who knows how long he could've gone on with his cons if he'd stuck to two or three?"

Reid shrugged. "We'll never know, but I think it was a combination of all three. He was narcissistic enough to think he could control it all."

"Still, I know how hard it is to have one alias, let alone ten."

Reid put down his fork. "You do? When did you do undercover work?"

"Let's just say it's still classified."

"Okay," he said and went back to his curried chicken.

"That's it."

"You told me everything I need to know. I trust you."

She bit the inside of her cheek hard and cleared her throat. "You're the best thing in my life, Spencer Reid."

"I know," he said airily and she laughed.

"Spencer?"

"Yes."

"Thanks for not pushing."

"No one knows better than me, that secrets sometimes define our lives with this job."

"I hate secrets," she said vehemently.

"Me too, I used to think, before my addiction, that some secrets weren't so bad, that in a way, they were necessary."

"Because you had to keep so many when you were a kid," she said.

He looked down at his plate until she reached over and took his hand.

"Yeah… I think I got to the point where it was all normal for me. I didn't know how to do anything but ensure that no one knew about my mom. I didn't want to leave her and I knew what would happen if I went to foster care."

She squeezed his hand. "I'm so sorry you had to go through that. You were so young."

He smiled at her and she couldn't help but grin back at him. "It's okay. I was bitter about my dad and being a kid alone with my mother, but not anymore."

"Really?"

"Don't get me wrong, I'm still not over my dad leaving, but I understand what he did."

"The consequences of more secrets," she observed.

"Yes."

"What's the answer, do you think?"

"I don't know. I'll have to get back to you after more research," he said seriously.

She laughed. "You can make it the subject of your next article for The American Journal of Psychology."

He picked up the last of his curried chicken and tossed it at her. "You never know," he said.

She flipped a spoonful of rice at him, "Don't start a fight you can't win," Dr. Reid."

He lobbed his napkin at her. "Bring it on, Prentiss."


	46. A Mother's Love

**_Disclaimer: see my profile_**

**_A/n this follows after Mosley Lane_**

**_A Mother's Love _**

Emily poured out her last cup of coffee for the day and returned to her desk. Reid sat staring at a file folder, but didn't appear to be reading it. His brow was furrowed and his own cup of coffee sat untouched at his elbow while it cooled.

"Hey," she said.

He looked up but didn't smile at her. He frowned and picked up his cup of coffee. He looked at it, lifted it to his lips and returned it to his desk.

"Spencer," she said quietly, even though it was nearly ten pm and everyone was long gone.

"Hm…"

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I was just thinking."

"I can see that."

He picked up the coffee again and sipped, grimaced and put it down. "I was just thinking about all those kids."

"There are days when I wonder if there is any hope for the world." Emily said morosely.

Reid put aside his file. "Sarah Hillridge asked me how long I've been doing this job."

"Did she?"

"Yeah, she wanted to know if Charlie would be okay. I didn't know what to say so I fell back on statistics. I should have said, 'yeah… he'll be fine."

"Why?"

She picked up her cooling coffee and took a sip. Yeah, Spencer was right to grimace, it was worse than usual.

"I keep trying to be normal and conversational and it never works."

"Spencer, why do you think you have to be normal? You're unique and special the way you are. What's really bothering you?"

He looked up at her and then rolled his eyes. "How do you always know?"

"Because I love you, babe."

"I love you too."

She sat back in her chair and crossed her arms over her chest. "Then spill it."

"I was thinking about Sarah and how she knew that Charlie was out there and alive for eight years. My mom knew that I was in danger as a kid and made my dad move us to a new home. I was just thinking about moms and the extra sense they seem to have. There's no scientific explanation for it."

Emily bit the inside of his cheek, so as not to laugh. "Spencer, you can't quantify everything."

"Why not?" He asked in real confusion.

"Come on, you know as well as I do that things sometimes happen without explanation."

He frowned again, and then perked up a bit. "I think in my mother's case she must have picked up on something unconscious about Gary Michaels. It's just like profiling in a way."

"If it's like profiling, how do you explain Sarah? She had no real reason to know that Charlie was alive, but she believed it anyway."

"I don't know," Spencer said a little irritably. "That's what I can't figure out."

"Why don't you forget about it for awhile? Our paperwork is finished and I'm tired. I want to go home, have some hot chocolate and cuddle up with you until I fall asleep. You can ponder over the mysteries of a mother's love in the morning."

Reid picked up his messenger bag and stood up. "I can live with that," he said.


	47. Alpha Versus Beta

**_Disclaimer: see my profile_**

**_A/n this follows after "The Fight." Many thanks to my wonderful beta who suggested the ending to this conversation. _**

**_Alpha Versus Beta _**

She finally found him sitting on one of the park benches with a book in his hand and two more beside him. He was speed reading and frowning at the same time.

"Hey, what are you doing out here? It's barely nine in the morning."

He looked up at her and his eyes made her insides tingle with anticipation.

"Spencer."

He put the book down and looked at her expectantly, and with trepidation, which was an odd combination for him.

"The weather's clearing and I thought it'd be nice to sit outside."

"I know… that's why I looked for you. What I don't understand, is why you're avoiding me."

"I'm not avoiding you."

She reached out, picked up the books and moved them so she could sit next to him. When she touched his hand, he flinched then relaxed and let her hold it.

"See, that's what I mean. Since when do you pull away?"

"It's nothing."

He wouldn't look at her, though. She fought the urge to squeeze his hand until it hurt just to get his attention.

"You've been upset since we got back from San Francisco. Talk to me."

"No," he said quietly.

"Why? We promised we'd always talk to each other, Spencer."

"You'll be angry with me."

She bit down on the urge to swear and made herself relax. "I'm going to be really upset, if you don't tell me what's wrong."

"JJ told me all about you and Mick Rawson."

"What?"

"I get it," he went on very fast. "You're an alpha female, and anthropologically speaking, Mick is a better choice as a mate. He's handsome, strong, and intelligent and a great shot. He saved your life and some women think the hero is -"

"Spencer," she interrupted angrily. "Would you shut up and listen to me?"

He ducked his head and pulled his hand out of her grasp. She reached for it, but he crossed his arms over his chest.

"Spencer, look at me."

He looked up after ignoring her request for a few seconds. His eyes were full of unshed tears.

"Damn it," she said and he flinched. "Spencer Reid, I'm gonna smack you. You should know better than to be jealous of Mick Rawson. Yeah, he's handsome, if you like em' with egos the size of Alaska. Yes, he's physically strong, but your strength is in here," she pushed her finger into his chest. He might be smart, but you're intelligent _and_ wise. You wouldn't ask me, in the middle of an op, what I'm wearing."

"He asked you that?"

"Never mind," she hissed through clenched teeth. "I love you, Dr. Spencer Reid. If you don't get that by now, then it's better for me to go."

He grabbed her hand when she tried to leave. "Please don't go, Emily. I'm sorry."

"I can't believe you're jealous."

His eyes were clear, but there was something in them that she still didn't like. "Why not? You're beautiful, sexy, smart and funny. You understand me in a way the others don't, and you care about others. What man wouldn't fall for you, with all that you are?"

"I don't care about other men. I want you." She drilled her finger in his chest again.

He finally smiled and a weight lifted off her shoulders. "I'm sorry I let my insecurities get the better of me."

"You better be," she admonished. "You're stuck with me, okay."

"I like that very much," he admitted.

"You're hopeless," she argued.

He finally her hand. "I truly am sorry. It was the way that JJ talked about Mick, going on about his accent and that she always liked accents. Look at Will, he's got a New Orleans drawl and she seems to love it."

"So Mick has a fancy accent," Emily rolled her eyes. "Who cares?"

"Emily…"

"Alright, I admit I like it."

"I knew it," he said but he was grinning at her.

She smacked him on the shoulder. "Spencer Reid!"

"I guess I should be happy that you choose to defy thousands of years of evolution to pick me over an obvious alpha."

She reached over and kissed him hard on the mouth. "Evolution isn't all it's cracked up to be."

"Thank God for that."

"Now," she tugged on his hand. "I think you've spent enough time sulking. Let's go back to my place and have a proper Sunday meal. I have all the fixings for a great brunch."

"As long as you have plenty of coffee."

He stopped when she tried to pull him forward. "What?" She asked.

He looked her up and down and she found that her face was getting very warm at his gaze. "Spencer!"

"Tell me," he said and mischief mixed with a little lust brightened his eyes. "Just what are you wearing under that," he pointed at her.

She looked down at the jeans and the red tank with a grey hoodie she'd thrown on to look for him. When she looked up, he was smirking at her.

"Since we're not in the middle of an op," she said and reached up to whisper in his ear. He swallowed so hard, it was audible and she grinned. "Now, be a good boy and you might get to see it."

He nodded and tugged her down the sidewalk. "I promise to be very good."


	48. Invisible

**_Disclaimer: see my profile_**

**_A/n this follows after "A Thousand Words..." I always imagined that Reid was supposed to go with Emily on her 'sin to win' weekend, and telling Morgan he didn't have plans was just a cover. At least in my world... _**

**_Invisible_**

"This is a great room," Reid said as he glanced around.

Everything was modern and clean. The living area had a large L shaped couch and a flat screen television on one wall. Double doors led to the bedroom with a huge bed elevated on a pedestal and a bathroom to the right with a Jacuzzi tub.

"I got a great deal on it after we missed out on our "Sin to Win," weekend."

"How did you do that? I'm sure the management doesn't care about reservations missed because of work."

Emily just raised an eyebrow and smirked at him.

"Oh," he said. "Garcia."

"Well, she had something to do with it. I don't know how because if I don't ask I can't be held responsible for what she may or may not have done to get us this room."

"I'm pretending to be deaf as well," Reid said.

"I think that's a great idea."

"Just as long as she doesn't know I'm here with you," he said.

She clasped his hand. "We decided to keep our relationship a secret because it benefits both of us."

"Yeah, I just thought you might have second thoughts."

"I hate lying, but its better this way. We don't have to worry about the FBI splitting us up because they think we can't be objective."

He brushed her hair back from her face and touched her cheeks. She closed her eyes and shuddered. "It is okay," he whispered. "I love you."

"You know I love you too, and I'm really looking forward to having you all to myself this weekend."

"Me too," he went to the couch and stretched out his legs. "This is an exceptionally comfortable sofa for a hotel room," he observed.

Her eyes suddenly gleamed and narrowed, "Enough about the hotel room. You said you have a surprise for me. I want to know what it is. Now!"

"I did?"

"Don't take that innocent tone with me."

"Alright, but I have to get something from my bag."

She was still in the chair when he returned. She was smirking at him so his hands began to shake a little.

"Why are you carrying a black light?"

He looked down that the object that slightly resembled a flashlight. "Well, um, I have to show you."

He put the light on the couch and pulled his vest over his head. He tossed away his tie and started to unbutton his shirt. He could feel her eyes on him and his face got very warm. "What?"

"Nothing," she said, "I like the surprise so far."

"Now who's the sex maniac," he complained.

"I can't help it. All that physical therapy did wonders for your body."

"I'm just taking off my shirt," he squeaked.

Her eyebrows went into her bangs. "We'll see," she said firmly.

He dropped his shirt and sat down. "Here," he handed her the light. "Turn it on."

"You're turning me on. I never knew you were kinky."

"Please switch on the light."

"Alright, I'll turn on the light."

She flipped the switch and aimed it where he pointed at his chest. "What's that?" She wanted to know as she leaned in close.

"It's a tattoo."

"I can see that. Why?"

"It was that invisible tattoo on Robert Burke."

"You wanted to get a tattoo because of a serial killer."

"No! When I saw he had an invisible tattoo, I started thinking about getting one."

"Why is it a surprise for me?"

He reached over and clasped her hand. "The tattoo is Yin and Yang. It's an ancient Chinese Taoist symbol. All matter and energy is represented by the entire circle. Each half of the circle represents the flow of energy, or chi, from one opposite to the other. It comes from dark and light. Summer solstice is considered the birth of the yin cycle and winter solstice is the birth of yang. It's the balance between good and evil."

"Okay, I get all that, but why not put it out there where others can see it."

"I just wanted it be for us."

"Are you saying we're like Yin and Yang," she asked.

"They say that opposites attract. You're beautiful and strong, and good. I'm just -"

"Don't say it."

"What?"

"Don't say I'm wonderful and you're not. You are kind, sweet, gentle and brilliant."

"Emily -"

She laid her head on his shoulder. "I'm willing to stipulate that we're opposites in many ways, but we're equals too."

"I chose the symbol because it reminds me of you and also the fight we fight every day with all the evil in the world. The symbol has a dot of the opposite in each half. To me, that says we all have dark and light in our souls."

"I love it," she said and stood up.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm shutting off the light so I can get a better look at it."

He watched her turn off the lights and for the first time, total darkness didn't bother him because she was in the room with him. She walked back and the black light hit his chest again. "I like it," she repeated and leaned over to kiss him. "Thank you," she whispered. "I love my surprise."

"Thanks for taking me on your weekend."

"I'm sorry we missed our last reservations."

He kissed her again. "It's fine. I just want to be with you."

She hugged him tight. "I'm glad you said that because I only want to be with you."

He sat up and looked at Emily in the glow of the black light. "You still owe me for reading all of Burke's journals."

"What do you want?"

"Remember what we discussed a couple of weeks ago?"

"Yeah, but you were joking at the time."

"That's what I made you think, but I was serious."

She drew in a big breath and let it out explosively. "After this, we are even, my friend."

"I'm good with that."

He picked up his shirt, put it on, and began to button it. Emily reached out and grabbed his hands. "Hey, what are you doing?"

"If we're going to play strip poker, we start even," he insisted.

"Okay, but don't think you're going to be wearing that shirt for any length of time. I play to win."


	49. Prestidigitation Manipulation

**_Disclaimer: see my profile_**

**_A/n this takes place during "Exit Wound."_**

**_Prestidigitation Manipulation _**

Emily knocked on Reid's door after looking around to see if anyone was in the hallway of the motel.

"Hey," he said as she slipped inside. "What are you doing here?"

"I couldn't sleep."

She saw that he wore light blue pajama bottoms and a white tee shirt. His hair was a little mussed, but he didn't look like she'd woken him from a deep sleep.

"Me either," he said and went to sit down on the edge of his the bed.

"Do you mind if I stay here with you?"

"I don't think that's a good idea, Emily. No one knows about us and -"

"Please," she said and joined him on the bed. "I just want to sleep with my arms around you. Please," she said again.

His eyes already gave their consent before he said. "I admit that I miss you."

She took off her coat, her shoes and the rest of her clothes, then picked up his shirt and slipped it on. "Thanks."

He shut off the light and sighed when she cuddled up to him. "By the way, I know what you did to Rossi."

"I didn't do anything," he squeaked.

"Then why did your voice just go up two octaves."

He shifted and she grinned when he tried to pull away from her. "I saw you palm the coin. If you don't wanna get caught, don't practice in front of me."

"Alright, I admit it. I wanted a room to myself. I didn't want to share with Rossi or Hotch."

"I get it," she said and kissed his cheek. "Listening to JJ go on and on about Will and Henry was getting on my nerves."

He stroked her hair and she began to get sleepy. His touch was the most relaxing thing in the world and she couldn't understand how she'd resisted him for so long.

His phone beeped and she cursed. "Damn it."

He answered the phone and she listened to him talk to Morgan. His voice began to squeak again when Morgan must've mentioned Garcia. "I'm on my way," he finally said as she found the light switch.

"What is it?"

"We've got another body."

"Is that all?"

He stopped in the act of pulling on his pants. "Morgan said that Garcia went out in the dark alone to fix her satellite phone. She saw the un-sub with the victim."

"Jesus," Emily said. "Is she okay?"

He grabbed his coat and scarf. "Yeah, she's fine except that she's freaked out."

Emily went to him and hugged him. "She'll be fine, baby."

"Will she? I wonder."

"Spencer -"

"She a tech, not a field agent. She likes her computers and her color and flirting with Morgan. What if this changes her?"

Emily finished pulling on her shoes. "Garcia is a strong woman, Spencer. She's going to be okay."

"I hope so."

She stood up and pulled on his hand. "Come on. We need to get going before someone comes knocking on your door."

He kissed her. "Thank you, Emily."

"You're welcome."

She squeezed his hand. "Thanks for manipulating the coin toss."

He finally smiled. "Anything for you."


	50. Haircut Blues

_**Disclaimer: see my profile**_

_**A/n this is right before "The Internet is Forever. I really hated Reid's long hair during season five and was thrilled when MMG finally cut it. **_

_**Haircut Blues **_

Sasha, Emily's hairstylist, spun the chair around for Reid to see his new haircut. "Lookin' good, G-man," she said and winked at him.

"Watch it, Sasha," Emily said, but she smiled at her friend.

"I can't help myself when it comes to good looking men in law enforcement."

Reid's cheeks were adorably pink and he kept pulling at the ends of his hair. "It feels weird."

"That's because you haven't cut your hair in months. You're not used to the length."

"Trust me," Sasha said as she began sweeping up hair. "You look great. It makes you look younger."

"That's all I need," Reid said irritably. "Everyone thinks I'm a kid."

"Not me," Emily said. "You're definitely not a kid.

"Guys," he squeaked as they both admired him.

"Alright, we'll be good."

"Speak for yourself," said Sasha.

Reid was glaring at Emily when they finally emerged from the salon into the grey, cloud-filled day. His Saturday was ruined and all because he'd lost, a stupid bet.

"Are you happy now?"

She looked at him over the top of his car. "Yeah, very happy. You're hot, babe."

"I am not," he argued as he started the engine.

"You're utter lack of ego is sexy as hell."

He turned the rearview mirror so he could look at it again. "I guess it isn't too bad."

She smirked at him and he finally sighed. "Alright, I know the length was getting out of hand, but getting it cut just wasn't a priority."

"Yeah, I got that," she agreed as he finally backed the car out of its parking spot.

"What happened to accepting me as I am?"

"I do, but I noticed Strauss looking at you the other day. I think she was about to get after you to cut it."

"It was only half an inch longer than regulations."

"That's not the point. We don't need her breathing down our necks. The closer she looks, the more she might see that she shouldn't see."

He glanced over at her. "I think you're making up excuses."

"A bet is a bet," she reminded him.

"It wasn't a fair bet!"

"You weren't complaining before," she reminded him.

"That was my best number. I don't understand what happened."

"I think you're mad because you never considered losing."

"Everyone's going to laugh tomorrow," he said morosely.

She reached over and stroked his arm. "I doesn't matter what the team thinks. I think it's sexy."

He finally glanced over at her and a tiny smiled trembled on his lips. "Thanks."

"You're welcome."

"Emily."

"Hmm…"

"I know you bought off the crowd the other night."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You thought I was in the men's room when you were talking to the bartender, but that was just an excuse."

"Spencer Reid!"

He smirked at her. "Never mess with a Cal tech graduate and a profiler."

She reached over and smacked his arm as they pulled into his favorite Indian restaurant for lunch. "I'm going to kick your ass."

He rolled his eyes. "Where have I heard that before?"

"If you knew I bought a round for the house so they didn't like your singing, why didn't you tell me?"

"Because it was much more fun letting you think you got one over on me."

"Fine, but you're buying lunch."

"I don't have a problem with that."

"For the next month," she said.

"Emily!"

"Don't pout, it's not attractive," she lied smoothly.

"Alright, geez, you drive a hard bargain."

"Remember that the next time you try to get the better of me."

"I will."

She took his arm like an old-fashioned lady and he smiled down at her. "I was planning on getting my hair cut anyway."

Her eyes narrowed and he pulled away from her before she could smack him again. "I think I'll be sleeping at my place for the next week. Alone!"

"Come on, Emily. I'm sorry."

His eyes resembled a puppy in the rain, but she hardened her heart against their power. "One week, Spencer."

He huffed out a breath and reluctantly took her hand. "I guess I deserved it."

"Yes, you did, but as I find you extremely hot with that haircut, I forgive you."

He opened the door to the restaurant and all of its fragrant goodness that wafted out of the kitchen to meet them.

"Morgan always warned me," he said.

"What?"

"Never mess with a woman that carries a gun."


	51. Everyone Leaves

_**Disclaimer: see my profile**_

_**A/n this follows after JJ.**_

_**Everyone Leaves**_

Reid opened Emily's door and slipped inside. He pocketed his key and left his messenger bag on the entryway table. A light glowed from her living room and he followed it to the sofa where she lay on her side with her head pillowed on her hands. He crouched down beside her and reached out to smooth away her dark hair from her face. Her eyes fluttered opened and she sat up.

"Hey, you alright," she asked as she reached out to touch his face.

"Yeah, I'm so sorry I ran out on you like that."

"Spencer, I -"

He ran two fingers over her lips. "Shhh… Let me finish. I had to get out of there. I thought if I went to a meeting, I'd feel better, but I don't," he stroked her hair again. "I need you, Emily. You're my lifeline."

She slid off the couch and pulled him into her arms. "I'm not angry, Spencer. I was worried, though. I thought that maybe…"

He shook his head. "No, Emily, I overreacted. It's something I have to work on."

She held him like a child for a long time. He finally let go and stood up. He pulled her to her feet and hugged her again. "I felt like my world was coming apart, again."

"It's not," she said into his shoulder.

"I know," he agreed. "I can't help but feel like everyone I ever cared about leaves; first, my dad, then my mom, then Elle and Gideon and now JJ."

She pulled back and stared up into his eyes. "I'm not going anywhere."

He finally smiled. "As usual, you cut right to the heart of the problem."

"Baby, I know you care for JJ very much. She's a part of our weird BAU family and our friend."

"Yeah, she is all that, but you're the woman I love, that I can't live without."

She tugged on his hand and made him sit with her on the couch. "I'm not leaving you, Spencer Reid. What can I do to make you believe me?"

He wouldn't look her in the eyes. "You can't," he said and his hands began to shake. "I have get through this on my own."

"No," she kissed him deeply, until she couldn't breathe. "You don't have to be alone. I'm going to be here when you need me. You don't have to suffer alone anymore."

He lay his head on her shoulder again. "I want to believe you, so much."

"Nothing I say will convince you," she said. "The only thing to do is to promise you I will be here in the morning when you wake up."

He felt his heart begin to beat hard. He breathed in the scent of her that was like morning air in springtime and felt his face break into a smile. He could still see JJ leaving the bullpen and he could still feel the loss that was like fist to the gut, but somehow he knew it was going to be alright.

"Now," Emily said and pushed him away, "If you've stopped pouting, how about some supper."

He laughed because there was nothing else to do. "Only if you play the fiery tempered French chef and I play the disobedient sous chef."

She laughed and he grinned. "I want actual food, Spencer."

"We'll order something later. For now, I'm craving chocolate sauce and whipped cream."

"That's it?" Emily wondered.

He whispered in her ear and she lifted both her eyebrows. "I'm going to kill JJ."

"Why?"

She smacked him on the ass. "Because it's her fault you're sad, and I'll do anything to see you smile again."


	52. Fruit Salad

**_Disclaimer: see my profile_**

**_A/n this is a followup to "Compromising Positions_**

**_Fruit Salad _**

Emily left her go bag on her entryway table and headed to her kitchen. She began putting away the groceries that she'd bought for dinner. She jumped when her front door opened and Spencer called out to her. Her heart leapt and she couldn't stop a huge smile.

"Hey, babe," she hurried out to greet him with a kiss on the cheek.

"Hi. How are you?"

"I'm great, just putting groceries away. You wanna help me in the kitchen."

"I can't cook," he squeaked as he pulled off his jacket.

"I know, but I have something easy in mind."

Reid's eyebrows went into his forehead. "I don't understand."

"You will, just follow me."

He did follow, but slowly so that she looked over her shoulder and smirked at him. "Come on."

She went directly to the counter top and picked up a bunch of bananas. "Here."

"What's this?"

"You can peel bananas, right?"

He rolled his eyes. "Yes, I can peel bananas."

"Good because I'm making a fruit salad and I need bananas."

"Alright, I'll help." He took the bananas from her and returned her grin. "I like fruit salad."

"Great."

CMCMCMCMCM

"What're you thinking about?"

Reid brought his second cup of coffee to the sofa and sat down. "I was thinking about last night and James Thompson."

"Spencer…"

He shushed her with one finger to her lips. "You did what you had to do Emily. I've come to accept that you can take care of yourself."

"I didn't want to shoot him."

"I know that," he reached over and took her hand. "We all have this idea in our heads about our job… that we can handle anything, but sometimes…"

"Sometimes the job sucks."

He snorted out laughter. "Yeah, it really does. I'm just glad you're okay. I love you."

"Love you too, babe."

They sat in a comfortable silence for a while. Eventually, Emily untangled her hand from Reid's and touched his cheek. "What else are you thinking?"

"Garcia decided not to be our liaison."

"I know, Hotch told me."

"Do you think she's okay?"

"I think she's fine, Spencer."

He sat back and stretched out his legs until they brushed the leg of one of her wing back chairs. "It was nice to be properly introduced to the police."

Emily laughed heartily. "Oh, Spencer."

He went a little pink in the cheeks. "You have to admit she had Detective Crowley whipped into shape for us when we got there."

"I loved the look on Rossi's face when she walked in dressed in black."

"You should have seen the look on your face," Emily pointed out.

"I'm glad she's back to herself," Spencer announced. "It was a nice change, but it's better with her doing what she does best."

"I'm glad you decided to do what _you_ do best," Emily rubbed her thumb over his hand. "If you had decided to stay in academia, I never would have met you."

"I never thought I'd say this, but I wish I could say thank you to Strauss."

Emily choked on the bottled water she drank. "Why?"

"Because she made it possible for you to join the BAU."

"Don't remind me."

He kissed her and she forgot everything except for the tingles that shot through her gut to her toes and up to her head.

"Well," she said when she could speak. "I think it's time for the sous chef to help with the dishes."

"You have a dishwasher," Reid squeaked.

"Yeah, but there's a few pots that don't go in the washer."

She held out her hand and stood up. "Come on. The sooner, the quicker," she admonished.

"Alright, but afterward, I want a game of chess."

"If you think you can handle losing again."


	53. Look, but don't Touch

**_Disclaimer: see my profile_**

**_A/n hello all. I'm sorry to all of you that tried to find this chapter the first time it was added to the story. I deleted it to make some needed changes to the scene. Thank you all for your feedback and to my beta REIDFANATIC for all of her help and ideas for this chapter. The very end comes directly from her. Thank you, my friend_**

**_Look, but don't Touch_**

Emily led Reid to the back row of the theater and smirked when he had to hand over his jacket and the tray of goodies they had purchased before sitting down. "Too much to carry," she asked innocently.

"Hilarious," he squeaked. "Next time you carry the popcorn. I nearly stumbled twice on the stairs."

"Sorry," she said.

He narrowed his eyes at her tone and she shrugged her shoulders. He heaved out a breath and grabbed a giant cup of root beer. "I can see it in your eyes and hear it in your voice that you're not."

"Poor baby."

"I can see you're irritated with me. What did I do this time?"

"Spencer," she said as more people entered the theater and took seats. "You're new at the dating thing, but even you should know that women don't like it when men ogle other women."

"I can't believe you're still mad about that. It was three days ago."

"I'm not angry."

He just stared at her until she broke eye contact. "Alright, I am a little peeved."

"I can't help a normal male reaction to certain stimuli."

"I'm sure you can't," she said through her teeth.

"The movie is about to start. Can we talk about this later?" He shot back.

"Fine with me."

CMCMCMCMCM

"What did you think about the movie?"

"Despite the glaring improbabilities in the script, it was pretty exciting."

"Oh, Spencer, it was fun. Not every movie has to be some deep meaning foreign film."

"I know but you have to admit the plot holes were huge."

"I don't care about plot holes. It was refreshing not to think about murder and mayhem."

Reid shrugged. "I guess it was."

"I can tell you liked the film. You enjoyed yourself."

He smiled for her and she shook her head. "Stay here," she said. "I need to go to the bathroom; too much soda."

He was staring at an old black and white photograph of Bogart and Bacall from "Key Largo," Emily saw when she exited the restroom.

She was about to call out to him when several people turned the corner of the main hallway. A man on the outside of the group had his arm around a young woman with wavy blond hair and a low cut red blouse with a black skirt and a matching leather jacket. Still, it was her date that caught her attention. He reminded her strongly of Morgan in build, but he was white, with light brown hair cropped short to his head. His eyes were a startling emerald green. He also wore a leather jacket and black jeans that were so tight Emily almost blushed. He smiled at something one of the other men said and his teeth were blinding white. He wore a neat goatee that enhanced the sculpted planes of his face.

"Emily!"

She jerked and saw that Spencer waved at her as if he was trying to signal down an oncoming car.

"What?"

She realized that her face _was_ warm. Jesus, she was blushing. She hadn't blushed in years.

"You were staring at that guy."

"No, I wasn't," she denied.

"Emily, I study behavior for a living. You were staring at him."

"Okay, I was looking at him. Are you happy now?"

"No, I'm not happy. In fact, I'm annoyed. You lecture me about glancing at a woman in a train station."

"Glancing, that was not a glance," she insisted.

"And you were staring," he countered.

They faced each other down despite several other people passing them on their way to different movies in the huge multiplex.

"Alright, I was looking," she finally admitted. "Are you happy now?"

"Actually, I'm thinking about your remark about my IQ plunging to 60."

"Spencer…"

"Studies have shown that testosterone is linked to higher IQ."

Emily rolled her eyes, "Tell that to every teenage boy in the back of their dad's Chevy."

He laughed because there was nothing else to do and it was silly argument, he thought.

She reached out and smacked him lightly on the shoulder. "I'm sorry, okay."

"I'm sorry, too."

"Why don't we discuss it over coffee?" His eyes lit up and she shook her head. "I knew that'd get your attention."

"I like the idea of coffee, but I don't want to discuss it further," he said. "Why don't we just agree to look, but don't touch."

"Afraid you won't be able to keep your eyes to yourself," she teased.

"Yes."

"Me too." She reached for his hand, "You're the only one that makes my heart race."

The hallway had suddenly emptied of everyone but the couple in leather and they were completely wrapped up in each other, so he bent and kissed her on the mouth. "You're the only one that makes me feel like I can do anything."

"Good. Now that's over, can we please go get that coffee?"

"After you," he said and held the door for her raising an eyebrow as he glanced back at the blond in the low cut red blouse and leather.

Yeah, it was okay to look because he loved the most beautiful woman in the world and by some miracle, she loved him, too.


	54. Let the Cat out of the Bag

**_Disclaimer: see my profile_**

**_A/n I wrote this a few weeks ago, and have been dithering over publishing it as is. I finally decided to publish. We're going to be veering off canon because I hate the Seaver character, so I'm going to pretend she never happened. There may be big changes with the headache and Doyle story line as well, I haven't decided. Please enjoy the chapter, folks. Again, thank you to my wonderful beta and friend, REIDFANATIC._**

**_Let the Cat out of the Bag_**

Reid found Emily waiting for him at their favorite bench in Elmwood Park just at the edge of Mclean. The day was cold, but bright with sunlight and blue sky. The November air was clean and smelled faintly of crumbling leaves.

"Hey," she greeted.

"Hi."

"What's wrong?"

She took his hand when he sat. "Nothing, just the smell of leaves. It still gets to me every once in a while."

"Do you want to go inside?"

"No, I can't run away every time I feel this way."

"Spencer…"

"It's okay." He smiled at her because her dark, bottomless eyes held him still. "It's rare that I feel… unsettled," he decided. "The cops and agents at BCC and you help to keep me on an even keel."

"I'm glad."

They sat for a while and even the cool breeze that ruffled his hair didn't mar the quiet of the day. Sometimes, he'd found since his involvement with Emily, it was okay to just sit and be still.

"What did you think of Garcia's play?"

He smiled because you couldn't think of or speak of Garcia without happiness. "I loved it. She was wonderful."

"Yeah, she was," Emily, agreed. "I didn't know she had that in her."

He didn't speak until she squeezed his hand. "What're you thinking in that head of yours?"

"I was thinking about secrets. She didn't want us to know about her life as an actress, not because she thought we'd laugh, but because she needed something apart from the job."

"Oh…"

"Yes, oh, and I was thinking about us."

She shifted and laid her free hand on top of their entwined fingers. "What are you thinking?"

"We've kept each other a secret for much the same reason and I wondered if that's okay with you. I mean, Garcia said she wanted to keep her secret, but it came out anyway. Do you think we should come clean before the team figures it out?"

She heaved out a breath, then began to chuckle. "How do you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Manage to articulate exactly what I'm thinking in my head."

"So, you've been thinking about it too?"

"Yeah, and I hope you won't be upset."

"Why?"

"I've been thinking about it for weeks."

He untangled his hand from her fingers. "I'm not angry with you. I've been thinking about it for weeks, too. I guess we need to work on our communication skills."

She shook her head and grinned at him. "I'm glad you brought it up because I've been trying to think about how to approach it."

"Me too."

"I guess this means we're in agreement."

He pursed his lips together. "Want to shake on it?"

She laughed. "No, I don' think that will be necessary."

"Which one of us is going to tell Hotch?"

"I'll do it."

His eyebrows went up into his forehead. "That's it."

"Well, I figure you'd suggest something like playing poker, or chess, or flipping a coin to decide."

"So?"

"So, you can manipulate all of that in your favor."

"I do not!"

"Please, don't play the innocent act with me. I know you, remember?"

He wouldn't look at her so she took that as agreement. "When do you want to tell the team?"

"Might as well get it over with as soon as possible."

"Then we'll talk to him together, tomorrow."

He smiled at her. "I find that I feel so much better. Secrets are necessary sometimes, but sometimes…"

"They do more harm then good," she finished for him.

"Yes."

She reached over and tugged on his hand. "Come on. I'm getting cold and hungry. Let's go to that little café down seventh and get a late breakfast."

"I love you," he said.

"I love you too."

"It's going to be okay," she grinned at the worry in his lovely eyes.

"That's easy for you to say. You don't have to worry about what Morgan is going to say."

She took his arm. "I won't let him tease you."

"I'm not a little kid on the play ground that needs protection," he said irritably.

"No, you're my man and Morgan's going to have to deal with it."

Spencer frowned. "Okay, but it he makes a case out of us, I reserve the right to take revenge."

She pulled him to the edge of the park and the concrete sidewalk where leaves, brown and crumbling blew along in the breeze to place unknown. "Fine with me, as long as I get to watch."


	55. Secrets Out

**_Disclaimer: see my profile_**

**_Secret's Out_**

"Hey," Emily tapped a finger on Reid's shoulder as she circled his desk. "You ready to go?"

He looked up and there was pain in his lovely eyes. "Ah, yeah, just let me finish my notes."

She gathered up her purse and go bag. "I'll meet you at the elevator. I need a bathroom break before we leave."

He waved absently at her. His head pounded like a sledgehammer in his skull and his eyes burned. He wanted to go home, take out his contacts and close his eyes until he could think straight again. He slapped his file folder shut and picked up his messenger bag.

"Hey, pretty boy, I thought you were gone," Morgan said from the walkway over the bullpen.

_Great, just what I need. _

"I thought the same thing about you."

"Where's Emily?"

"Morgan…"

"I'm just asking." Morgan put both his hands up in surrender.

"She's in the ladies room."

"So, tell me…"

"Tell you what?"

"About you and Emily, what did you think? You come in with a bombshell this morning and Hotch ordered me not to give you a hard time. I've been sitting up there all day wondering and now that Hotch is gone -"

"You thought you'd come down here and tease me, like you've been wanting to all day."

"No, kid, that's not it at all. I just wondered how it happened."

"Why? Do you think no can love me."

"Of course not," Morgan insisted. "I've always known that one day you'd find someone right for you."

Reid screwed up his face and stared at his friend. "Thank you. Are you sure you don't want to tease me?"

"Well, if you want me too…"

"No, I don't want you to make fun of me. I'd be nuts if I did."

Morgan laughed. "I have one question?"

Reid rolled his eyes. "Go ahead. I can't stop you."

"Prentiss is a beautiful woman, smart, sexy, funny -"

"Is there a point to all of this?"

Morgan grinned at Reid's impatience. "I'm just wondering what you said to charm her."

"Oh, so someone like me couldn't attract a woman like Emily?"

"No, that's not what I meant. I just mean that Emily makes up her own mind."

"I don't know what you want me to say. We were friends and then everything changed."

"Hey, I thought Hotch told you to leave us alone," Emily said from behind Morgan.

"I wasn't bothering him."

She stood there with her arms crossed and a murderous look in her dark eyes. Reid was beginning to forget about his headaches because she was so beautiful.

"It's okay." He assured Emily. "Let's just get out of here."

"You two be good now," Morgan admonished with a chuckle.

"Get out of here before I kick your ass, Morgan."

"Woohoo, Prentiss, I'm cool." She narrowed her eyes at him and he winked. "Alright, I'm out of here. See you on Monday."

Emily watched Morgan until he was gone on the next elevator car. "Sorry about that."

"It's okay, he wasn't really teasing me."

"That's nice for a change."

"Yeah," he rubbed at his eyes.

"Babe," she reached out and touched his arm. "Are you okay?"

"Just a little headache.

She pulled on his arm. "Come on, I'm beat. I want a glass of chardonnay, a hot bubble bath, more wine, and a meal."

"That sounds really great."

"Also, I have a surprise for you."

"What?"

"If I tell you, it won't be a surprise."

He turned his puppy eyes on her and she heaved out a huge breath. "Alright, I can tell you're exhausted. I've decided that we need to have some fun. It's Friday, and Hotch promised us a full weekend. We're going to my place and having a Doctor Who marathon."

"You hate Doctor Who," he said, but happiness lit up his eyes,

"I don't hate a television show. I just never got into it. Watch it with me and maybe I'll change my mind."

"I love you," he exclaimed.

"Because I said I'd watch a television show with you," she teased.

"Yes... I mean no, I mean, I love you for everything you are to me."

"I'm glad because I happen to adore you."

She took his arm when he once again, picked up his messenger bag. "Let's get out of here, Dr. Reid.

"I can't think of a better idea."


	56. What's in a Name

**_Disclaimer: see my profile_**

**_A/n we're beginning to veer out of cannon quite a bit with this chapter. This is my version of how Emily got Sergio. The paragraph explaining his name is taken from Wikipedia. _**

**_What's in a Name_**

She put aside the book she'd been reading when a key in the lock told her that Reid had arrived, finally. Her eyes were locked on the entrance to the living room when he strolled in with something in his hands.

"What is all that?" She wondered instead of greeting him with hello and a kiss.

Something hissed from what she now realized was a white cat kennel. "Spencer?"

He went rosy in the cheeks. "Um, well, you were saying you wanted a cat, so I went to the shelter. It's a gift."

"Babe, I didn't mean for you to run out and get a cat for me."

"I think you'll like him," Reid said proudly.

He put the carrier and another bulging bag on the coffee table. He opened the kennel and something black shot out of it and leaped to the floor.

"Hey," Reid cried and reached for the animal.

It evaded him and hurried under the couch. Reid resembled a small child on Christmas day that didn't get what he wanted from Santa.

Emily got up and hugged him. "Don't worry. I'm sure he'll come out eventually."

"I wanted it to be a good surprise."

"It was a surprise." She agreed. "Let's just sit down and ignore him. He'll come out when he's good and ready. Tell me what you did today besides going cat shopping."

"I read five books this morning while I was waiting for laundry to wash and dry. I had a paper for school to finish and I cleaned my apartment."

"All of that before four pm. I'm impressed."

He shrugged. "I like a clean apartment."

"I know; you're the original neat freak."

"I am not!"

She grinned and leaned over to kiss him. "I'm just teasing you."

He smiled for her and it lit up his face like sunshine on a cold winter's day. They stared at each other for a long time without speaking. Sometimes she thought he could read her mind just by staring at her. She was about to break the stare when the cat suddenly jumped into her lap.

"Damn it," she cursed. "Where did you come from?"

The cat arched its back and rubbed its head under her chin. He was a beauty, all black with eyes so dark they could barely be seen in his ebony face. He was sleek, shiny, and lean. She petted his back and he meowed at her.

"Hello, kitty. How are you? You're a cutie aren't you," she said in baby talk.

Reid rolled his eyes and she giggled. "Sorry, can't help it.

"It's not a baby," Reid informed her.

"I know that." She said, but she adored the cat with her eyes. "What's your name? She asked the cat seriously.

"Actually, I have an idea.

"I'm not naming him Luke Skywalker, or Spock."

"No, that's not what I was thinking. I like Sergio."

She picked the cat up under his front legs and studied him. "Are you a Sergio?"

The cat meowed and Reid smirked at her. "See what I mean."

"I think that was just a coincidence, but please tell me why you like that name."

"Because Sergio is derived from an ancient Latin surname Sergius which was taken from the word servare, which means to "to save, to guard, to attend to," and therefore means attendant guardian."

She put the cat on the sofa where he stared at Reid, who ignored him in favor of Emily.

"You think I need a protector."

"Yes."

"Spencer…"

"I know you can take care of yourself," he said quietly. "Let's call it a living talisman."

"You think a black cat is a good protector. I thought they were supposed to be bad luck, or belong to witches," she asked in a teasing tone.

"I don't believe in all that," he waved it away.

"This from a man that loves Halloween."

"Emily!"

"Alright, I admit that I like the name."

She reached out and stroked Sergio on the head. "I guess we're a family."

Reid smirked at the cat that ignored him in favor of his new owner. "It seems he likes it here."

"I don't have anything to take care of a cat," she reminded Reid. "I'll have to go shopping.

Reid pointed to the bag on the table. "Nope, everything you need is in there. I stopped at the bookstore before I went to the shelter and picked up a book on cat care."

"You read it in ten minutes and then bought the cat," Emily surmised.

"Yeah."

She reached over Sergio and grabbed Reid's hand. "I'm so glad you are you. Thanks for my present."

"You're welcome."

He reached out to pet Sergio, who swished his tail and resumed purring as if it were going out of style.

"Hey, what happened to the Reid effect?"

Spencer smiled. "Don't know, but I'm not going to say anything to jinx it."

She laughed. "Alright, let's get into that bag and set up his new home."

They opened the bag while Sergio watched with black eyes that knew secrets and refused to tell.


	57. Ten Percent

**_Disclaimer: see my profile_**

**_A/n this takes place right after "Corazon"_**

**_Ten Percent _**

Emily poked her head around her bedroom door when she heard the front door slam like a strong wind had blown it closed. Reid strode in with his sunglasses on despite being indoors. He dropped his messenger on the entryway table and pinched his fingers around the bridge of his nose.

"What did the doctor say?'

"He thinks I'm nuts!"

"I doubt he thinks -"

Reid rounded on her, "You weren't there, Emily. He said it was all in my head." He groaned and yanked off his glasses.

"Spencer -"

"No," he ripped away from her hands. "I go in there because I can't stand the pain anymore, and he tells me it's psychosomatic. I had the MRI and I answered all their questions. He's a medical doctor; he's supposed to have the answers."

"Babe, I know you're hurting but -"

"Don't say you know how I feel. You weren't vomiting your entire stomach contents last night. I can't see straight in the sunlight and I can't think."

He was shouting at her now. His eyes were full of tears, but at the same time, they were bright with an anger she'd never seen.

"Don't shout at me," she said in a deathly calm voice. "I'm trying to help you."

"Stop it," he put his hands to his temples and began to groan. "God, make it stop."

She grabbed his shoulders and pulled him into her arms. "Shh, baby, it's going to be okay."

"He thought I was crazy, Emily. Maybe he's right. Maybe this is the first signs of -"

"You're not schizophrenic, Spencer."

"How do you know?"

She pulled away and made him look her in the eyes. "I just know, because I know you."

"You can't guarantee that I'll never lose my mind just because you think you know me."

She dropped her hands. "Fine, I'm done arguing with you. You're bound and determined to believe the one day; you'll end up in an institution -"

"I'm not determined," he snapped. "I'm realistic."

"You have a ten percent chance of inheriting you mother's disease. Pretty crappy odds, if you ask me."

He put his hands over his face and rubbed at his eyes. "I'm so tired."

"I think you should - damn it," she cursed as her phone rang.

She looked at the text. "We have a case."

His phone beeped as he nodded. "Yeah," he consulted his phone. "Gotta go in."

"Call Hotch, tell him about the headaches, that you're sick."

"No! I can do my job."

"I didn't say you couldn't," she began.

"Don't," he warned. "I don't want to hear it."

"You don't know what I was gonna say."

"You were gonna say I'm not at my best. You think Hotch should know."

"Yes, I think he should know."

"He'll make me stay in the office or at home. I'm not an invalid, Emily."

"No one is saying you are, Spencer. Please just tell Hotch."

"I said no."

"Then I'm leaving. See you at work."

"Emily…"

She dodged out of his reach. "I think we need a couple of days. At least until you start thinking clearly."

"I _am _thinking clearly."

"The fact that you can say that and believe it just proves my point."

He swept up his messenger bag and slammed out the door before she could move in that direction. Her phone rang but she ignored it. Sergio hurried out of the living room and put his front paws on her leg.

"Hey, Sergio."

The cat meowed at her, so she picked him up and petted his head. "Sorry for the yelling."

Sergio rubbed his head on her shoulder and meowed again.

"You just want a treat." She put him down and led him into the kitchen.

"One treat and then I have to go."

She watched Sergio devour the treat as though she hadn't fed him in weeks. If only humans could be so easily satisfied.


	58. Apology Accepted

**_Disclaimer: see my profile_**

**_Apology Accepted_**

When she found him, he was sitting with a book on his couch. As always, watching him read mesmerized her. She couldn't make her eyes leave his long, thin fingers as they moved down the page. Her heart jumped into her throat and her eyes stung.

"Babe," she said.

He didn't react to the sound of her voice, but she couldn't figure out if he was ignoring her, or if he'd shut her out just like he shut out everyone when he read.

"Spencer, please, I'm sorry."

He finally looked up at her and she flinched. His eyes reminded her of that terrible night in Colorado after the explosion at Cyrus's compound.

"Spencer…"

"I'm sorry," he interrupted.

"You're sorry, why? I was the one that acted like a jackass. You were right to be angry."

"I shouldn't have run out like that. It was childish and irresponsible."

"You were in pain and I was acting like everything would be alright if I just ignored the possibilities."

"I over reacted with the doctor and you," he said as if he didn't hear her.

She sat down and took his hand. He tried to tug away, but she held on until he clasped her fingers tight.

"You're scared, babe. You're trying to find answers and all he could say was that the pain's in your head. I'd be pissed too."

He finally smiled at her. "Do you think I'll ever learn to just live and not be afraid of something that might never happen?"

She stroked back his hair with her free hand. "When you said the doctor thought you were crazy, all I could think of was distracting you from thinking about it."

"Why?"

"Because I'm scared too. Sometimes I think about that ten percent chance and I think what would I do if you lost that particular genetic lottery? I love you. I don't want to see you that way. I don't want you to suffer and I guess I went into denial."

"So what you're saying is that I'll never have a time when I'm not thinking about it."

She sighed. "I think you should continue to do what you've always done."

"What's that?"

She almost laughed at the perplexed light in his eyes. "I think you should just live your life. You've done that pretty well for the last thirty years, despite all the challenges you've faced."

"I'll try, but I can't promise I won't freak out and walk out the door again."

She finally laughed and all the weight riding on her in the days since their argument lifted from her.

"I truly am sorry for making light of your reaction to the doctor's so called diagnosis."

"I know, but I'm still a little pissed at you."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "How long do I have to grovel for forgiveness?"

He grinned at her. "Not long, just until we can find a place to live."

She sat up so fast she almost knocked him off the couch. "What did you say?"

"I said we need to find a place to live together. Then, if one of us over reacts or we have an irrational argument, it'll be more difficult to just walk out."

She simply stared at him. "You want to live together, as in we cohabitate in the same space."

"Now you sound like me," he teased.

"Spencer…"

"Yeah, I think we should. We spend every night together anyway at your place or my place. Let's just make it easy."

"I don't know…"

"Think about the savings in household costs and commuting because we can take one car. We'd save on food and -"

"Spencer Reid…"

"And," he went on despite murder in her eyes. "I love you, so I want to spend as much time with you as possible."

She pouted then said. "Damn it, you make it impossible to argue."

He grinned and she smacked him on the shoulder.

"When?"

She shook her head. "We can both live at my place."

"You don't want to get a place of our own."

"What's wrong with my place?"

"Emily!"

"What?"

"We're arguing again."

She wrapped an arm around his shoulders, "Right, no more arguing, at least for tonight."

He hugged her back. "I don't think we can expect never to argue."

"Agreed and hmm-," she said slyly. "If we never argue, how can we make up?"

He rolled his eyes. "That's not why I apologized in the first place."

"Me either, but it's a handy side benefit," she shot back.

"What did I do to deserve a smart ass for a girlfriend?" He wondered.

"Just lucky I guess," she said and kissed his cheek. "Are we okay?"

"We will be," he said. "In the meantime," he tossed his book over his shoulder. "I'm going to concentrate on the here and now because you never know when something might come along and change everything. I want to enjoy the time I have with you, Emily Prentiss."

"I hope so," Emily smiled as she straddled his legs, "because I intend to be around for a very long time."


	59. I'll Never Regret You

**_Disclaimer: see my profile_**

**_A/n after much consideration for many weeks, I've decided on a happy ending to his story, instead of following canon. I always hated how Emily left and came back, so here we are. There's one more chapter after this. Please enjoy. _**

**_I'll Never Regret You_**

He thought this might be the best evening he'd spent in a long time. He'd finished all his consults before five pm and he didn't have a headache.

He leaned back against the couch from his position sitting on the floor in Emily's apartment and sighed. She sat above him on the sofa with her legs on either side of his torso. Her hands were massaging his neck as they watched television. Sergio was in his lap, purring like a little steam engine and for once, he felt like life was good. In fact, his eyes were beginning to droop a little as he sat there enjoying Emily's fingers on his shoulders and neck.

"Hey," she said and suddenly her hands were gone.

"What?" He said a little irritably.

"You're not listening to me."

He realized that she'd said something important that he'd completely missed. He stood up and joined her on the couch with Sergio in his arms.

"Sorry."

"I said I have something important to talk to you about."

"Is that why you invited me over for your famous roast beef, and a shoulder rub for my headaches, because you need to tell me something important?"

Her dark eyes probed his face and he waited patiently for her to see what she needed to see.

"You know me too well," she said.

"I thought we decided we could talk to each other about anything."

"Yes, but this is big."

He clamped down on jumping to the conclusion that she was going to leave him. There was no reason to think it.

"I'm not trying to find a way to break up with you," she said and he couldn't help but smile.

"I wasn't thinking you'd break up with me."

"Spencer…"

"Alright, I did think it, but -"

"Spencer, I thought -"

"Let me finish," he held up one long fingered hand. "I wake up every day and I'm so grateful that you love me. Sometimes, I feel a bit insecure. I can't help it. You're so beautiful and so wonderful. Sometimes, I wonder how long we'll last."

She squeezed his hand so tightly he yanked it away and shook it. "Geez, you cut off the circulation, Emily."

"I think something cut off your circulation and not to the hand, but to your brain. I love you, Spencer Reid. You're why I didn't say yes to the offer I got last night."

"What offer?"

"That's what I'm trying to tell you.

She retrieved his hand and held it gently this time. "He asked me to head up the London office of Interpol."

"Really," Spencer squeaked.

"Yeah. I told him no."

Reid pulled away his hand from her grasp. "You said no for me."

Her dark eyes flashed with irritation and some anger. Sergio jumped up into her lap, but she ignored him. He lay down and swished his tail. He stared at Reid, but failed to garner the attention he wanted.

"I said no, because I'm not ready to move on. Yes, I want to stay for you, but I want to stay at the BAU, as well. You're all my family. I can't leave you, not now."

It was his turn to squeeze her had very hard. "I want to say you should go, that I don't want you to regret it or, to resent me, but I can't."

She leaned over and kissed him. "Good, then I won't have to argue with you over why I'm staying and why you shouldn't feel like you're holding me back."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure. I'm going to stay here with you. We're going to find the perfect place to live and we're going to be happy.

Sergio lifted his head and meowed at her in a distinctly put out way. "You too," she said to the cat.

Reid laughed and reached out to pet the cat's head. "We'll never be bored."

She grinned at him. "God, I hope not."


	60. End Game

**_Disclaimer: see my profile_**

**_A/n thank you all for your wonderful support of this story. A million thanks to my ever faithful friend and beta, REIDFANATIC for all her help on this project. _**

**_End Game_**

Sergio leapt up the last unopened box from their move and sniffed delicately at the flaps.

Emily picked him up and put him on the floor. He stared up at her out of his inky black eyes. "You're in my way," she informed him. "Besides, the box with your treats is in the kitchen, if that's what you're looking for.

Sergio sat on his hunches and began to wash as though he didn't care at all about treats in the kitchen. Emily chuckled and reached into the box. Her hands found a smaller, oblong box and inside a familiar chess set.

"Look what I found," she said to the cat, which ignored her in favor of washing his face.

"What?"

She whirled around. "Damn it, Spencer. Stop sneaking up on me like that."

"I wasn't sneaking. I entered the room normally. You were too busy looking at the chess set."

She held it out to him. "Remember the first time I watched you two play chess."

"Yeah… It was on the plane to Guantanamo Bay. I'm still mad at the pilot," he said and smirked at her.

"Oh, you…" she smacked him on the forearm.

"I am!" He said indignantly. "If not for the Gitmo Twist, I would've won."

"I think your memory's clouded," she replied. "Gideon would've had you in three."

"I have an eidetic memory, Emily."

"Then you won't mind setting up the board, exactly as it was that day and prove me wrong," she held out the set to him.

"I have something better in mind," he said seriously, but there was lust in his eyes.

She narrowed her eyes at him because he was entirely too cheerful now. "What?" She asked suspiciously.

"I think we should try out the new bed and then, play chess."

Emily heaved out a breath. "What makes you think I'm in the mood for breaking in a new bed?"

He turned his puppy eyes on her and she sighed again. "Alright, geez, but just so you know, I'm only pretending to enjoy myself, for your sake."

"You're too good to me," he said.

She tugged on his hand. "Let's get this over with, Romeo."

He laughed and hugged her tight. "Yes ma'am."

She pulled back and put both hands on his face. "I love you, Spencer Reid.

"What a coincidence," he said cheekily. "I love you, too. We're starting a new phase of our lives and it's gonna be spectacular."

"No," she disagreed and pulled him into the bedroom. "It's already spectacular because I have you."

**_THE END_**


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